‘Live Blog’ Posts(2)

The quick brown fox jumped over the good, but lazy Parker family.

live: closing ceremony

Sunday, 12 August 2012

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it’s not over — i’ve got 52 hours of coverage stacked up on my Tivo — but it’s close enough for government’s sake. or, olympics sake. oh, yes. the closing ceremonies.

live(ish): the final weekend

Saturday, 11 August 2012

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we’re getting close to the end — well, at least the rest of the world is. i’m already 40+ hours behind in my coverage, and my TiVo is starting to struggle under the weight of the 8-10 hour episodes that are backing up on the hard drive.

the good news is that if i fast forward through any sport with mean, uninformed, or inane commentary then i should be caught up in no time.

live: olympics, week two

Sunday, 5 August 2012

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i always start falling behind in the second week. intentions to watch 21+ hours of coverage a day, however good, start to wear thin in the face of other priorities — like eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom.

thank god i have two years until the winter games in Sochi to catch up.

live: three day weekend of awesomeness

Friday, 3 August 2012

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i took today off from work — hypotetically because it was my flex day, mostly so sparklet and i could go for a bike ride, but secretly so that i could blow through a dozen hours of olympic coverage (relatively) undisturbed.


live: olympics, week one

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

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going back to work is, well, awkward.

the first day back during the olympics is always the worst, facing a tivo still full from the weekend and another 16 hours that taped while you were away. the “good” news is that NBC’s coverage is just as hyperbolic and manic-depressive as ever.

time to catch up.

live: the first weekend

Saturday, 28 July 2012

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i’ve cleared my weekend.

well, other than you know having a toddler, having a new born, having a wife, probably having to work a little, but other than that i’m glued to the tube. and the computer. and the ipad. and the iphone.

live: london 2012 opening ceremony

Friday, 27 July 2012


it’s that time again.

the time when our global attention turns to overly-earnest featurettes on athletes overcoming adversity, when we look for horrible commentary by television announcers pressed into service to describe a sport they know nothing about, when jingoism is not just tolerated but encouraged, and when even bob costas becomes annoying.

it’s NBC’s coverage of the greatest sporting event on the planet.

19:32 first “uplifting” montage of athletes. of the 2012 olympics. oh, yes. it’s on.
19:39 i can almost smell the vaseline smeared all over their camera lenses.
19:44 Matt Lauer needs a toupee.
19:49 the mighty Quinn keeps wailing every time Meredith Viera comes on the air.
19:55 look, it’s Hobbiton!
19:58 what are these random rugby videos from? How are they going to get that meadow out of the stadium again? Why am I “afeared”? I have so many questions.
20:04 honoring the decline of the pastoral-agrarian society? These Brits sure know how to parrrrtay.
20:05 more breakdancing men in top hats, please!
20:08 britain: we’re the country that brought you smokestacks.
20:09 wonder what the random bloke in Sheffield thinks about his outcry right now.
20:13 a friend of mine described this production as “crack-tastic.” I honestly don’t know that goes far enough.
20:15 okay, the waterfalling fireworks from the Olympic rings was a pretty nice visual. Make a note: first compliment came 45 minutes in.
20:18 first annoying Visa commercial. Wonder how many times we’ll see that in the next 18 days.
20:23 would love to know who pitched the idea of jumping out of a helicopter with James Bond to the Queen. Oh, to be a fly on thaaaat wall.
20:25 come on Queenie, smile.
20:33 nothing says “Britain” like Tubular Bells and socialized medicine.
20:39 Voldemort: the capstone of 400 years of British literature.
20:41 we could have saved ourselves 6 movies if someone had just told Harry Potter that Voldemort was scared of Mary Poppins.
20:45 my wife totally called that Chariots of Fire was coming.
20:48 … but not Mr. Bean. Didn’t see that one coming. Nope.
20:55 the Olympics are celebrating 40 years of air headed British teens. Awesome.
20:59 Meredith and Matt needs to remember this isn’t actually the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.
21:08 do you think the Queen knows what “Frankie Says Relax” means?
21:13 the Brits created the interweb? I thought Al Gore did?!?
21:14 oh, David Beckham. You’re so cute, at least when your lips aren’t moving.
21:31 awww, I like the Aussies.
21:33 my wife just suggested I do a blog post on Olympic commercials that are better than the opening ceremonies. Talk about a race to the bottom.
21:39 is it a sign of Stockholm syndrome to say I’m optimistic for the 2016 opening ceremonies in Rio? I mean, the whole thing will be just half naked women dancing, no?
21:50 new game: drink every time Bob Costas says something inane.
21:52 I already can’t feel my face.
21:54 get Djubuti on the floor toniiiight.
21:59 my wife is talking international fiscal policy which, coincidentally, is more interesting than the parade of nations.
22:12 kudos to Nike for their “other” London ad. Good stuff.
22:20 on Wikipedia wondering what happened to Netherlands Antilles.
22:32 the Mighty Quinn is out. Mommy is out. I’m watching St. Kitts march in. Where did my life go wrong?!?
22:43 if I hear Bob Costas say one more time how “fast” this is going… Pow.
22:58 Idi Amin joke, really? Ouch. Too soon.
23:07 so nice to see team USA in something other than cowboy hats (which, ironically, we’re worn by Russia instead).
23:09 feeling pretty bad for Team Great Britain and their gold lamé track suits — oif.
23:12 Thank god for Kate Middleton, because the Queen seems surgically unable to smile.
23:16 totally forgot about he flame. Not sure I’m going to make it.
23:18 some one shut Bob Costas up before he insults another country.
23:46 Paul McCartney and the cauldron lighting finally had the stuffy decorum I expected from this opening ceremony.
23:46 the flame is awesome and all, but someone is going to get disqualified in the javelin for not clearing the cauldron in the middle of the field.
23:48 is “hey, Jude” the national anthem or something? Just saying’.
23:52 i hate forced audience participation.

live: the royal wedding

Friday, 29 April 2011

[Tower of London, London, England, UK.]
why in god’s name am i awake?

i know, i know. i read vanity fair’s the royal watch alarmingly regularly, have been known to read the delicious awfulness that is the daily mail, and get more news/programming from the bbc than i do from all the american networks combined.

so, it possible that i might be a bit of an anglophile. which, i guess, is exactly why i’m awake. and, so long as i’m up, i might as well live blog this thing.

4:59 AM the lady sparkler, last night, on why she wasn’t going to get up this morning: “i love london. i love scottish whisky. i named my daughter after the bride. i think that’s enough.”
5:01 AM looks like i have about 27 channels i can watch this thing on — hello, bbc america.
5:02 AM seriously — i can’t stand NBC during the olympics, how in god’s name could suffer through an American network covering the royal wedding?
5:13 AM the token “awkward american in the crowd” they just interviewed wasn’t quite as awkward as usual — the gods are truly smiling on the moment.
5:21 AM someone appears to have planted trees in the middle of the abbey. guess i should have gotten up a bit earlier, to hear that one explained.
5:33 AM there’s a corner of the abbey where they’re putting all the people under the age of 80, right? i mean, the bride and groom have to have at least one set of friends they slipped in under strict instructions to not get plastered and start dancing on the tables …
5:38 AM in case anybody was wondering, karin vogel is officially the last person in line for the british throne. sadly, she did not get an invite.
5:48 AM the queen looks great. charles looks old. isn’t that backwards?
6:03 AM totally missed the big wedding dress reveal because the kettle just went off.
6:09 AM need to redact my previous crack on the trees in the abbey. from the ground level, it’s actually quite lovely.
6:15 AM well played, kate. well played, pippa. ease up on the gold tassles there, boys.
6:20 AM “maawidge. maawidge is wat bwings us togethaaa, today.”
6:25 AM <sniff> i promissed myself i wouldn’t cry… </sniff>
6:33 AM they look tired — beautiful, but tired.
6:35 AM wedding sermons still make me squirm, at least those since a wedding i attended 10 years ago where the catholic priest droned on about “copulation” for 15 minutes.
6:41 AM sparklet’s awake. awake, and very confused why we’re watching something other than plaza sesamo.
6:52 AM so, are the people at the back of the church excited they actually got in the door or ticked that they’re not 35 yards farther back so the could watch it on the jumbotron in hyde park?
6:55 AM interesting, the queen doesn’t sing along to “god save the queen.” somewhat obvious in hindsight, i guess …
6:56 AM wait! how are they married if they didn’t kiss??? everything in the princess bride was a lie.
7:04 AM the lady sparkler is up. asked if the bride’s father was the one in the black suit.
7:10 AM my wife is beaming — at least until sparklet tripped, fell over, cried, dusted herself off, and started beating on her little bongo drum.
7:16 AM lovely.
7:19 AM my arm hurts from just watching them wave.
7:21 AM the queen looks ecstatic. hard to believe how much has change in the royal outlook from even just five years ago.
7:24 AM where do they store all the carriages, limousines and flags when there aren’t any royal weddings pending? i have so many questions.
7:36 AM um, the rather uncomfortable goth chicks with the crazy hats seated behind the queen during the ceremony were the children of Fergie, ex-Duchess of York. they just can’t catch a break, can they?
7:48 AM diana had such style — but the 80s were still the 80s, and (in hindsight) her wedding dress was really just plain dreadful.
8:03 AM we need more national holidays. are either of the obama girls old enough to get married yet?
8:12 AM commentator: “as a people we’re not childish, we’re not stupid. we know we have problems. but for one day, we live in the moment where we can celebrate our past, our future, and our political stability. there is a kind of wisdom found when you suspend cynicism. it’s a different kind of knowledge, but it’s a knowledge found in the innocence of a wedding day.”
8:21 AM they keep dragging the crazy people in the costumes on tv. hey bbc, stop encouraging these people.
8:31 AM they finally kissed — whew, that would have been awkward had they missed that part.
8:32 AM i’m pretty sure one of those 5-year olds in the doormouse costumes is actually taller than the Queen.
8:35 AM wills is a lucky, lucky man — but needs to get that girl a cheeseburger, stat.
9:42 AM in such a good mood. beautiful women should marry ugly, awkward men more often.

what’s next … an earthquake?

Friday, 16 July 2010


well, after a brief return to normalcy, sparklet’s sleeping habits are back to being a royal pain in the rear. she’s fighting us going down, and isn’t usually staying down for long.at one point this week i stopped asking God for world peace, and started asking him to focus on letting me sleep.

based on last night’s events, he wasn’t amused:

  • 8:20 pm — after 40 minutes of trying, sparklet is finally asleep … but not until a full hour after her bedtime.
  • 8:35 pm — ha, ha! just kidding, we’re awake.
  • 9:52 pm — seriously, sparklet. go to sleep. i walk in and she is sitting upright, but listing deeply to the side because she can’t keep her eyes open.
  • 10:28 pm — the lady sparkler finishes up pumping, and we bunk down for the night.
  • 1:10 am — it’s morning in babyland! the lady sparkler takes the first shift and stuffs a bottle in her face.
  • 1:25 am — the lady sparkler runs out of steam, and the hollering gets me up and out of bed. i take over.
  • 1:38 am — oops, looks like sparklet’s wet through her diaper! and now, after 25 minutes of feeding, she’s wide away and not the least bit interested in taking a bottle and/or going to bed.
  • 2:10 am — after tipping sparklet over for the umpteenth time (i swear she would try to sleep sitting up if we’d let her) she’s out, and i start for bed.
  • 3:01 am — i’m just about asleep when i get a call from a friend who is due to birth a baby girl in a couple of weeks. my heart leaps like a gizelle. turns out she hit the wrong button on her phone. false alarm.
  • 4:14 am — i’m just about asleep when sparklet’s up again, but (haha!) this time she is sound asleep once again by the time i get to the crib. funny.
  • 5:01 am — i’m rattled awake when an earthquake strikes suburban maryland. I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP.
  • 5:30 am — just about asleep (for the first time since 1:10am) i remember to shut off my alarm so that i can squeeze an extra couple of minutes of sleep in the morning.
  • 6:58 am — the lady sparklet wakes me up to tell me that i don’t need to get up. (still figuring that one out.)
  • 7:20 am — i give up and go to work.

there you go. independent proof that God doesn’t have a sense of humor. at least, not about sleep vs. world peace.