• The Wrong Scot

    The Wrong Scot

    For about a week, Ancestry.com was confident I was from New Jersey.

    It had me descending from a woman born in Marlton – which I assumed was in Scotland, but a quick consult of the altas turned out to be a city in New Jersey, fifteen miles from Philadelphia, named after marl, a green clay full of crushed shell that local farmers spread on their fields as fertilizer. 

    There is no Marlton in Scotland. There never was. The whole thing arrived in my tree the way these things always arrive: a bum merge, somebody else’s bad data welded onto mine by a hint I should not have accepted, quietly relocating a genuine Scottish ancestor to a Philadelphia suburb named after dirt enhancer.

    It’s even funnier once you know I’d spent my whole life certain that it was being a MacDonald that made me Scottish.

    My grandmother was Marion Louise MacDonald — Nana — and honestly her name did most of the work. You hear MacDonald and you picture heather and a tartan and somebody being treacherous to somebody else at a dinner party in 1692. I never questioned it. Of course I was Scottish. Look at the name.

    But the MacDonalds had not been in Scotland for a long time. Donald MacDonald came across on the Hector — the ship that dumped a couple hundred Highlanders at Pictou, Nova Scotia, in 1773, three years before there was a United States. 

    By the time anyone in my family was alive to tell me I was Scottish, the MacDonalds had been Canadian for well over a century. John @#$@#ing George MacDonald — my great-great-grandfather, the brick wall, the man Nana spent twenty years of her life trying desperately to trace past — was born in Nova Scotia and died in Nova Scotia.

    So when Helen “Ellen” Boyle (1823-1866) was actually on a boat, leaving actual Scotland, John George was technically a seven-year-old Canadian. My Scottish grandmother’s people had left Scotland three generations before my supposedly-not-Scottish grandfather’s people got off the boat.

    Ellen Boyle is on the Parker side. The side with the flat, unbothered English name that nobody ever accused of being from anywhere. 

    Nonetheless, she was baptized in 1823 in Troqueer, Scotland — a parish on the west bank of the River Nith, just south of Dumfries, in the old stewartry of Kirkcudbright. That’s Galloway, the bottom-left corner of Scotland, the part that never makes it onto the shortbread tin. 

    Through her childhood, Ellen’s family moved between three Galloway parishes — Creetown out on the granite coast, Troqueer, and Kirkpatrick Irongray inland — the itinerary of people chasing work that keeps not lasting. Her father James did a stretch in the Kirkcudbright tolbooth, the town jail, which in that time and place held one main category of guest: men who owed money. (I looked for something more dramatic. There isn’t any.) He died in Scotland. So did her mother, Mary.

    Galloway in the 1830s and ’40s was a place you left. The handloom weavers who’d anchored the local economy were being ground out by the power looms in the cities. Wages collapsed. When Parliament studied the misery, one of the remedies its experts formally recommended was that the weavers simply emigrate. 

    The government’s official advice was leave. 

    Two of the Boyle children didn’t look back. Ellen sailed to Massachusetts and married Charles Francis Parker in Newton in 1843 — a Yankee, born there in 1822, no Scotland anywhere in him. Ellen’s brother went to a mill town up in Strafford County, New Hampshire, married a local woman, and dissolved into rural manufacturing without a ripple. The parents stayed, and died, and that was the end of the Boyles being from anywhere.

    It worked because Ellen was built to vanish. Lowland Scots came with the full assimilation kit — Presbyterian, English-speaking, literate — and dropped into Protestant Yankee New England like they’d been ordered from a catalog. 

    She married her Yankee Parker in Newton, and then the couple drifted north to Rochester, New Hampshire — the same Strafford County mill country her brother had landed in.  Both Boyles who got out ended up in the same corner of the same state. And, within one generation Galloway was simply gone: the tolbooth gone, the three parishes gone, the granite coast gone.

    So here’s the full stack, and I’d like a moment to appreciate it. The branch where diversity meant being born 10 minutes, 20 minutes, or 60 minutes outside of Boston brought me the ancestor with the most recent claim on global citizenship.  

    She grew up there, left there, crossed an ocean to get out — was sitting quietly on the branch with the boring English name. And when I finally went looking for her, the machine briefly and confidently informed me she’d been born in New Jersey.

    In a town named after fertilizer.

    I think she’d take it as a compliment. Vanishing was the whole idea, and turns out she was very good at it.

  • The Difference Between Fact and Hope

    The Difference Between Fact and Hope

    Abraham Parker was the first ancestor who ever told me to go to hell.

    Well, not in so many words — when he died 160-odd years ago, he left me almost nothing to argue with. That was the problem. He left me pretty much no trace at all.

    Getting to him was easy. He’s my great-great-great-grandfather, and every link from me to him is a Parker: my father, his father, his father, his father, then Abraham (1789–1864). Married Mary Haynes in Natick in 1813. And then the trail just stopped.

    It stung in a way I didn’t expect, because Abraham was a Parker. My Parker. By blood he’s no more mine than a Titus or a Pike or a McCrillis — same fraction of me, same distance back. But Parker’s the name I ended up with.

    It’s the name on my driver’s license, it’s the name on the email signature, and yet here Abram was cruelly slamming his genealogical door in my face.

    It wrecked me a little. It also kept me up for weeks. So I did what every beginner does when a wall won’t move.

    I forced it.

    Here’s how you force it. You pattern-match on names — and the colonial records are lousy with the same dozen first names. You line the candidates up, and you “eliminate” all of them but one, and then you announce that the one left standing has to be right.

    When I did this, Abraham’s father was Elijah Parker of Freetown, his grandfather was Capt. Elisha Parker of Scituate. And a couple levels (and marriages) behind Elisha, a pot of gold: a Mayflower passenger, a couple of names straight out of The Crucible, a Longfellow cousin if you squinted.

    I’d proved it. Proof by elimination. I was so sure.

    I also knew, in the part of my brain I’d stopped listening to, that I was stretching. Proof by elimination has a shelf life. It lasts right up until the moment you find something else that could be right.

    And then I found something else.

    The real answer was quieter than the lie. After another two weeks of banging my forehead on the desk, it turns out Abraham’s father was Francis Parker of Newton — son of Enoch Parker, a Harvard schoolmaster.

    Behind Francis? No Mayflower, no witches, no poets. Just a documented line of boring-but-safe Parkers whose only excitement seemed to be moving from Newton to Dedham and back every two or three generations.

    The proof is unglamorous. The 7 Sep 1845 Roxbury marriage record names Abraham a “widr., a. 56 y., mason, s. Francis and Mary.” (A gripping read, I promise you.) The Newton records hold exactly one Francis of the right generation born to an Enoch, and he married a Mary. No rival candidate anywhere.

    It isn’t flashy when it doesn’t come with a single dramatic document that closes the case in one stroke — but I’m learning that type of Indiana Jones #$@# doesn’t happen.

    The truth came the way most honest pre-1850 answers come, finding one path through the trees where all the records line up, and none of the subsequent records crushes your dreams of leaving this branch and moving on to the next person.

    But the lie did cost me. I had fallen in love with my false Parker family tree. I loved my first Mayflower hit (Henry Samson). I loved that I was related to a Hilton (Hannah, not Paris). I even loved the creepy girl who lied about witches in Salem and helped send a half-dozen people to the gallows (Mercy Lewis, via her sister Priscilla).

    So Abraham. The first ancestor I wanted so badly to be someone that I nearly made him someone else — and the one who taught me the difference between a fact and a hope.

    Abraham told me to go to hell, and it took me years to realize that was the lesson.

    And it’s awkwardly fitting that the ancestor who taught me to wait for the truth instead of inventing it was the one whose name I’d been carrying the whole time. I learned it first on my own name, before I’d earned the right to screw up anybody else’s.

  • Nana’s Papers

    Nana’s Papers

    I started doing genealogy on 14 November 2018 (which I can tell only because that’s the beginning of my shockingly expensive Ancestry.com subscription) but I had the cheat code all along…

    The big box of Nana Macdonald’s genealogy papers. Which I didn’t open until this past month.

    Part of that gap was logistics — I began on my father’s side, and there’s obviously nothing in the box for that line. So, for a long stretch Nana’s papers had nothing to tell me.

    But mostly it was on purpose. I wanted to make all my own mistakes first. Run down my own dead ends, misread my own records, learn the difference between a fact and a hope — before I asked my grandmother to bail me out. Starting with her answers felt like cheating when I hadn’t earned my own questions yet.

    What finally got me to open it was a wall. I’d hit one. With John George MacDonald.

    John George is a (beloved, I’m sure) ancestor a few generations up the MacDonald side — my great-great-grandfather, which makes him Nana’s grandfather. And I got stuck trying to figure out who was his father. For weeks I couldn’t get past him.

    Every record I pulled either pointed somewhere unprovable or didn’t point anywhere at all. Heck, John George barely existed at all in the genealogical records landscape, so his father was necessarily a bridge or two too far.

    So I opened up the box, looking for a way around him.

    And somewhere in the middle of all those letters and worksheets, it landed: she’d hit a wall too. Same spot. Same man.

    John @#$@#ing George.

    Decades before me, with index cards and postage instead of databases, my grandmother had walked up to the exact same blank wall I was standing at, put her hand on it, and not gotten through either.

    My grandmother — Marion, though the family called her Mike and I called her Nana — was not a casual hobbyist. Over a quarter-century, roughly 1964 to 1990, she filled a box with letters, worksheets, pedigree charts, and replies from archives and museums and clan societies, all of it done the slow way, most of it by mail. (My mother remembers it running back to the 1950s — trips to Massachusetts, comparing notes at each family gathering a good decade before the box’s oldest letter.)

    She wrote to the public archives of Nova Scotia and the vital statistics office on Prince Edward Island. She wrote to Scottish clan societies, to a Catholic college, to cousins she’d tracked down and cousins she was still trying to. She bought books and microfilm. She filled out family group sheets and then filled them out again when a new letter came back and changed something.

    She didn’t only write letters. She walked churchyards copying down tombstones, and made the occasional hopeful pilgrimage to a town clerk’s office only to be told the records she wanted had burned in a courthouse fire sometime in the 1800s. She and her eldest brother made those trips together — the two genealogy obsessives in the family, to the patient amusement of everyone else.

    This was research with a six-week round-trip latency: write the question, mail it, wait, see what the answer breaks. Hope the letter doesn’t get lost or ignored.

    In the past month, I’ve digitized four hundred and fourteen pages of Nana’s genealogy papers so far, and I’m barely halfway through. (There are still five folders of Preble and Haskell records in the box I haven’t touched.)

    Whatever the final number is, it’s a lot of paper for one woman with a fountain pen and a stamp drawer.

    If you spread the pile out, the first impression is mess. One sheet will have a name spelled three ways. Another will have four father candidates for the same ancestor, two of them crossed out. Margins full of question marks. Drafts of the same letter, slightly different each time.

    On the surface, and with barely a date on any of the records to show the passage of her time, it looks like she was someone who couldn’t make up her mind.

    But after months of digging, it turns out every crossed-out name is a lead she ran down and rejected. Every competing draft is a hypothesis she was holding open against a reply she hadn’t gotten yet. Pre-internet genealogy didn’t have a search box that returns ten answers in half a second. It had postage and patience, and you kept several possibilities alive at once because you had to wait weeks to rule any of them out.

    So I’m not here to grade Nana against Ancestry.com. Instead, I decided to lean into reconstructing how she thought — what she’d nailed down, what she was still chasing, and why.

    The families run in a few directions.

    On one side, the MacDonalds and McEacherns out of Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia, traced back across emigrant ships to Scotland — to Glencoe, by family tradition, and to a Catholic bishop that wasn’t exactly widely discussed. (Nana pulled me aside one day, and looked at me like she was worried someone would find out, when she said to me “I think we have Catholics in our family.”) On the other, the Prebles and Haskells, with their own deep New England roots.

    There are Scottish clan timelines and charts. There are book invoices. There are cousins writing in from Pictou and Charlottetown with pieces of the puzzle, and at least one relative doing her own legwork in PEI cemeteries on Nana’s behalf.

    Here’s the part that gives the whole thing some weight. I never recorded or wrote down her stories, or saw a completed family tree, or asked her a question about her father or her grandfather.

    And the joke, if it is a joke, is that I finally opened the box to ask Nana for help and found her standing at the same wall I was, just as stuck, fifty years early. So now it’s the two of us stuck.

    I’m just the one who got here last.

    So that — *gestures wildly at everything* — is the plan, and why I’ve started blogging again. I chose an archaic channel to post the results from an archaic hobby, built on 50+ year old documents stored in rooms without windows (or boxes stuck on closet shelves that haven’t seen the light of day once in the last 11 years).

    A couple of times a week, as I work through the tree, I’ll post the story behind whatever human puzzle I’m trying to solve at the moment. From my Nana’s side, and from my father’s side (the Tituses … Titusi? … and the Parkers) too. Maybe even a photo or two if I can find them.

    So far, I’ve found a steady stream of people who deserve more than a line on a chart.

    And maybe I watched too many animated movies about the day of the dead (thank you, Book of Life) but it makes me happy thinking that these people are in the happy side of the afterlife because some random old white dude is running through his Nana’s box of genealogy notes.

    God knows what I’ll put up and when, but that’s why I wanted to put this post up first. Now you know whose handwriting you’re looking at, and why I am desperately trying to read said handwriting.

    More soon.

  • it’s been a good run…

    it’s been a good run…

    so, it’s been a bit since this site was last updated. the daily updates stopped in early 2016, about 6 months after my father passed away.

    but that’s (mostly) a coincidence. life got busy. i started taking fewer pictures. adobe lightroom, a subscription now instead of a one-time purchase, started seeming really expensive for someone who was taking fewer pictures. it got harder to sort. it got harder to post. trump got elected — i can blame him for everything, right?!? — so posting effectively stopped.

    late in the pandemic, maybe 6 months ago, i resolved to get myself caught back up. i did — yay! — at least in the picture processing department. i swapped over to Apple Photos, which made everything easier. i actually went out and got a negative/slide scanner, and i’ve started running through a bunch of pre-2004 photos too.

    truth be told, Apple Photos made everything easier EXCEPT getting the pictures onto this website. in the last many months, i sorted 8,145 pictures (since 2016) into 447 albums, but there is no easy way to put them into wordpress posts and get them shared out to the public.

    so they’re locked up in my Apple ecosystem and shared only with the people i have email addresses for.

    but i guess that’s okay. the main enjoyment i got out of the blog — remembering wonderful things that my notoriously weak memory can’t keep track of — i now get out of my TV. i figured out how to get these favorites you see on flickr hooked up to our Apple TV as the screensaver, and the whole family will legit sit on the couch for a quarter of an hour or more watching the pictures scroll past.

    it’s lovely.

    i’ll keep up a flickr account, certainly — pulling together my favorite hundred or two photos a year — and I’ll get those photos posted out in the ether. and maybe, someday, Apple will change their sharing function to make easier to share an album towards a blog or a website.

    but until then, we’ll pause at exactly 3,200 posts over the last 17 years and 10 months. hopefully there will be more, but if not … it’s been a good run.