The quick brown fox jumped over the good, but lazy Parker family.

live: london 2012 opening ceremony

Friday, 27 July 2012


it’s that time again.

the time when our global attention turns to overly-earnest featurettes on athletes overcoming adversity, when we look for horrible commentary by television announcers pressed into service to describe a sport they know nothing about, when jingoism is not just tolerated but encouraged, and when even bob costas becomes annoying.

it’s NBC’s coverage of the greatest sporting event on the planet.

19:32 first “uplifting” montage of athletes. of the 2012 olympics. oh, yes. it’s on.
19:39 i can almost smell the vaseline smeared all over their camera lenses.
19:44 Matt Lauer needs a toupee.
19:49 the mighty Quinn keeps wailing every time Meredith Viera comes on the air.
19:55 look, it’s Hobbiton!
19:58 what are these random rugby videos from? How are they going to get that meadow out of the stadium again? Why am I “afeared”? I have so many questions.
20:04 honoring the decline of the pastoral-agrarian society? These Brits sure know how to parrrrtay.
20:05 more breakdancing men in top hats, please!
20:08 britain: we’re the country that brought you smokestacks.
20:09 wonder what the random bloke in Sheffield thinks about his outcry right now.
20:13 a friend of mine described this production as “crack-tastic.” I honestly don’t know that goes far enough.
20:15 okay, the waterfalling fireworks from the Olympic rings was a pretty nice visual. Make a note: first compliment came 45 minutes in.
20:18 first annoying Visa commercial. Wonder how many times we’ll see that in the next 18 days.
20:23 would love to know who pitched the idea of jumping out of a helicopter with James Bond to the Queen. Oh, to be a fly on thaaaat wall.
20:25 come on Queenie, smile.
20:33 nothing says “Britain” like Tubular Bells and socialized medicine.
20:39 Voldemort: the capstone of 400 years of British literature.
20:41 we could have saved ourselves 6 movies if someone had just told Harry Potter that Voldemort was scared of Mary Poppins.
20:45 my wife totally called that Chariots of Fire was coming.
20:48 … but not Mr. Bean. Didn’t see that one coming. Nope.
20:55 the Olympics are celebrating 40 years of air headed British teens. Awesome.
20:59 Meredith and Matt needs to remember this isn’t actually the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.
21:08 do you think the Queen knows what “Frankie Says Relax” means?
21:13 the Brits created the interweb? I thought Al Gore did?!?
21:14 oh, David Beckham. You’re so cute, at least when your lips aren’t moving.
21:31 awww, I like the Aussies.
21:33 my wife just suggested I do a blog post on Olympic commercials that are better than the opening ceremonies. Talk about a race to the bottom.
21:39 is it a sign of Stockholm syndrome to say I’m optimistic for the 2016 opening ceremonies in Rio? I mean, the whole thing will be just half naked women dancing, no?
21:50 new game: drink every time Bob Costas says something inane.
21:52 I already can’t feel my face.
21:54 get Djubuti on the floor toniiiight.
21:59 my wife is talking international fiscal policy which, coincidentally, is more interesting than the parade of nations.
22:12 kudos to Nike for their “other” London ad. Good stuff.
22:20 on Wikipedia wondering what happened to Netherlands Antilles.
22:32 the Mighty Quinn is out. Mommy is out. I’m watching St. Kitts march in. Where did my life go wrong?!?
22:43 if I hear Bob Costas say one more time how “fast” this is going… Pow.
22:58 Idi Amin joke, really? Ouch. Too soon.
23:07 so nice to see team USA in something other than cowboy hats (which, ironically, we’re worn by Russia instead).
23:09 feeling pretty bad for Team Great Britain and their gold lamé track suits — oif.
23:12 Thank god for Kate Middleton, because the Queen seems surgically unable to smile.
23:16 totally forgot about he flame. Not sure I’m going to make it.
23:18 some one shut Bob Costas up before he insults another country.
23:46 Paul McCartney and the cauldron lighting finally had the stuffy decorum I expected from this opening ceremony.
23:46 the flame is awesome and all, but someone is going to get disqualified in the javelin for not clearing the cauldron in the middle of the field.
23:48 is “hey, Jude” the national anthem or something? Just saying’.
23:52 i hate forced audience participation.