theparkerfamily.org

Tag: Live Blog

  • jury duty

    ECPA20140421_8781

    i was selected for jury duty yet again — every 26 months, like clockwork and for the first time ever went through a void dire that no lawyer in the world would let me survive.

    the case involved sibley hospital (where both my kids were born), the appearance of medical misdiagnosis (which we could accuse sibley of for sparkler’s cheek) and involved someone with a broken back (which the lady sparkler got when she was a kid)…

    … but i got bounced not due to a threat of me running away with the jury, but because of work travel I have scheduled for next week. oh well, all’s well that ends well.

    21 Apr 14 … released. #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … do you remember when news anchors reported the news, and not their own personal thoughts on the news? #pepperidgefarmremembers
    21 Apr 14 … I’m in a jurors’ lounge that doesn’t have chaise lounges, swing music, or cocktails. can I sue for false advertising? #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … back in the jury pool. first time I’ve ever been excused in a peremptory challenge. #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … just called for duty. goodbye, world. I’ll miss you. #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … aaaaaand that clip was from “The Rainmaker.” nice to know someone has a sense of humor. is “Runaway Juror” next? #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … pretty sure the “inspirational” juror video just used a clip from 12 Angry Men. #nothelping #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … juror orientation video is titled: “We the People: A Call to Duty.” #epic #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … DVD player for orientation is broken (naturally) so I might have a chance to lead it after all. #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … guy behind me is sick. guy in front of me is reading 20th century French poetry. #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … fourth jurors’ briefing in just over 8 years. wonder if they’ll let me have a go at leading it? #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … I’m curious re: the relationship bathing has with my chances to get seated. #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … said this morning: “does my ESPN the Magazine hoodie make me seem too erudite?” #juryduty
    21 Apr 14 … #juryduty.

  • live: paralympics

    NBC must be trying to eek every last penny out of their $4.38 billion contract with the IOC, because (for the first time ever, that i know of) they’ve decided to air bits of the paralympics this year. all the same great sports as the “other” oympics, just commentary that’s even worse.

    15 Mar 14 … #sparklet is visibly upset that a girl “has” to ski down the mountain with only one leg. #Paralympics
    15 Mar 14 … if there is anything more awesome that a snowboarder going down the slope with two prosthetic legs, I don’t want to know. #Paralympics
    9 Mar 14 … wicked impressed by #Paralympics downhill seated monoskiers. #damn
    8 Mar 14 … fwiw, a guide goes down 20 feet in front of the blind skier, and barks out instructions. #EPIC #ParalympicsVirgin (2/2)
    8 Mar 14 … I’m quite literally watching “visually impaired” downhill alpine skiing. #OMG #ParalympicsVirgin
    8 Mar 14 … this POV Of A Guy On Gymnastic Rings Is Better Than The Whole #Olympics, via @digg http://t.co/2WCaT4BiWw
    8 Mar 14 … am I the only one who associates Russian folk music with @billyjoel? #yeah #sorry #nevermind #ParalympicsWinterGames
    8 Mar 14 … the #Olympics wouldn’t license the #Paralympics their five rings? seriously?!? #ParalympicsVirgin
    8 Mar 14 … I love how Russians will applaud wildly for anybody who speaks their language without butchering it. #ParalympicsWinterGames
    8 Mar 14 … I seriously can’t imagine what is running through #Putin’s head right now. #ParalympicsWinterGames #Ukraine
    8 Mar 14 … turns out the #Paralympics involves athletes w/ a range of disabilities, including mobility, amputations, blindness, and cerebral palsy.
    8 Mar 14 … #Ukraine just got a standing ovation at the #ParalympicsWinterGames. I honestly don’t know what that means.
    8 Mar 14 … oy, #teamUSA for the #Paralympics still has to wear those horrible Polo christmas sweaters. #ParalympicsWinterGames
    8 Mar 14 … cynicism aside, this is actually pretty awesome. #ParalympicsWinterGames
    8 Mar 14 … sled hockey? #awesome #ParalympicsWinterGames
    8 Mar 14 … not sure how to say this, but there are more people walking during the parade of nations than I would have thought. #ParalympicsVirgin
    8 Mar 14 … #fyi, the commercials aren’t any better during the #ParalympicsWinterGames.
    8 Mar 14 … “In Russia, it’s not typically a part of their culture to express joyousness.” #ParalympicsWinterGames #NBCFail #commentatingexcellence
    8 Mar 14 … wonder if the rings will open. #ParalympicsWinterGames
    8 Mar 14 … Putin looks a little stressed. Wonder if everything is okay at home. #ParalympicsWinterGames #Ukraine
    8 Mar 14 … hmmm, making people stand for the national anthem has a different context at the #ParalympicsWinterGames. #ParalympicsVirgin
    8 Mar 14 … if @NBCOlympics brought the “B” team to the #Sochi2014 closing ceremonies, who did they bring to the #Paralympics? #nottheAteam
    8 Mar 14 … “Sports and politics do not mix.” #paralleluniverse #iwanttolivethere #ParalympicsWinterGames
    8 Mar 14 … interesting. The talking head on the #ParalympicsWinterGames says there is tension between #Ukraine and Russia. #whoknew?
    8 Mar 14 … am I the only one watching the Paralympic opening ceremony? #yeah #okay #thatsfine #bastards #ParalympicsWinterGames

  • live: oscars

    we’re live at the oscars, or at least on my couch in front of a really big tv that’s playing the oscars. it’s just like being there, i swear.

    3 Mar 14 … oy, the poor PA’s that had to find and stage all those typewriters. #Oscars2014
    3 Mar 14 … someday I will grow up and won’t be horribly uncomfortable during acceptance speeches. #Oscars2014
    3 Mar 14 … I honestly wasn’t sure that was Idina Menzel based on how badly Travolta butchered her name. #wtf #Oscars2014
    3 Mar 14 … interesting that they found four celebrities to clap at the end of Bette Midler’s song. #humanitarianaward #Oscars2014
    3 Mar 14 … I’m going to punch my TV. #Oscars2014
    3 Mar 14 … OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME BETTE MIDLER IS NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENING. #Oscars #Oscars2014
    3 Mar 14 … pretty sure that’s the only time you’ll ever hear a Bill Pullman line at the #Oscars. #pullmannotpaxton
    3 Mar 14 … not going to snark on Pink’s performance, but want to meet whoever had the balls to select her over, well, everybody else. #Oscars
    3 Mar 14 … did the Academy actually pay someone to design a building that looks like Tom Cruise’s spaceship crashed into my college dorm? #oscars
    3 Mar 14 … somebody explain to me why watching Ellen deliver pizza was so $&@?ing funny. #Oscars
    3 Mar 14 … pretty sure Ellen just broke twitter. #Oscars
    3 Mar 14 … yup, every nominated movie I’ve seen is in the animated category. thank you, #sparklet. #Oscars
    3 Mar 14 … the #olympics just weren’t the same without @SamuelLJackson. #oscars
    3 Mar 14 … and, My So Called Life finally gets the recognition it deserves. #Oscars
    3 Mar 14 … when did navy blue tuxedos become okay? #oscars #stevemartinwouldbeproud
    3 Mar 14 … Bill Murray is starting to look like one of his characters from Scrooged. #oscars
    3 Mar 14 … if I was married to Julia Roberts, I wouldn’t have let her forget to wear underwear to the #oscars.
    3 Mar 14 … I’ve seen exactly zero of the best picture nominees, but I promise to still be indignant when [insert trendy movie] doesn’t win. #oscars

  • live: end of the sochi olympics

    24 Feb 14 … #okayimdone. #Sochi2014
    24 Feb 14 … I had some nice things to say about NBC’s coverage this year, and then they have to go and poop on it on the last night. #Sochi2014
    24 Feb 14 … I have no idea what’s going on. aren’t there supposed to be educated and engaged commentators to help me? #Sochi2014 #NBCFail
    24 Feb 14 … interesting that NBC shows clips from US v RUS hockey, instead of that game against Finland. #whitewashing #selectivehistory #Sochi2014
    24 Feb 14 … I love that Korea was given explicit instructions on how to tie their scarves so that the 2018 logo is clearly visible. #Sochi2014
    24 Feb 14 … yes, Cris, a 350 year old Russian ballet is exactly like Phantom of the Opera. #evendennismillerwouldbeanimprovement #Sochi2014 #nbcfail
    24 Feb 14 … okay, Chris Collingsworth officially needs to #shutthehellup. #Sochi2014 #nbcfail
    24 Feb 14 … where is Putin’s girlfriend? must have shown “too much personality” at the opening, #hmmm #Sochi2014
    24 Feb 14 … kids choirs make everything awesomer. except “Kidz Bop.” that $&%?s rank. #Sochi2014
    24 Feb 14 … damn, I love the Russian sense of humor. #ringfail #Sochi2014 http://t.co/sc3lFA27Km
    24 Feb 14 … in my head, I have an image of Posner taking Remnick out back and kneecapping him, thus saving the world from his commentary. #Sochi2014
    24 Feb 14 … I know watching is morally wrong, and that I’m losing brain cells as I speak, but this Nancy/Tanya special is #cracktastic. #Sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … I fundamentally dislike Sidney Crosby’s smirk. #TeamCanada #Sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … am I a horrible person for just assuming they’ve slept together, at least once? #IceDancing #Sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … I tried to make it through this “gala” without drinking, but it’s just not going to happen. #alcoholnumbsthepain #Sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … frankly, I’m ready to watch something with significantly less inspiring commercials. #sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … just realized that Tara and Johnny’s comb over braids this week were a political statement in support of Yulia Tymoshenko. #sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … every time I see a Lindsey Jacobellis commercial, I involuntarily get a condescending pouty sad-face and think sad thoughts. #Sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … I hereby declare you a horrible human being if you weren’t teary by the end of the Jessica Long story. #Sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … okay, NBC is actually pretty damn good at puff pieces. #Sochi2014
    23 Feb 14 … tho I was single parenting a 2 y.o. at the time, the @NBCOlympics special on Lokomotiv was pretty incredible. #Sochi2014 #NBCFTW
    22 Feb 14 … just found a stash of old mix tapes. based on the song selection, I’d like to apologize to anyone I’ve ever known, dated or married.
    22 Feb 14 … how soon until NBC packages #Ukraine protests with olympic gold win, and sets it to the theme from “Terms of Endearment?” #Sochi2014
    22 Feb 14 … has there always been this much country swapping at the #Olympics? #seemslikecheating #sochi2014
    22 Feb 14 … what’s the thematic antonym for Miracle on Ice? #floptothefinns #Sochi2014
    22 Feb 14 … conspiracies aside, looks like the math adds up. #Sotnikova #Sochi2014 via @nytimes http://t.co/3t9YOVC0T6
    22 Feb 14 … can we stop blaming the speedskating suits now?!? #Sochi2014 http://t.co/KKoRTxPaow
    22 Feb 14 … p.s. Ashley needs to shut it because transparency wasn’t the thing keeping her off the podium. #Sochi2014
    22 Feb 14 … speaking of jackasses, Ashely Wagner is horrible but she’s right about transparency. #stillshutup #Sochi2014 http://t.co/o23bTNIiz7
    22 Feb 14 … well, turns out the penance for winking at the camera in the start house is to win gold. #imgoodnow #Sochi2014
    22 Feb 14 … they’ve got to be so psyched to be skiing on something that kinda sorta actually resembles snow. #Sochi2014
    22 Feb 14 … btw, I missed you guys. #dontgetthefluduringtheolympics #Sochi2014
    22 Feb 14 … is that the same speed skater from GBR that keeps falling down? #Sochi2014
    21 Feb 14 … oh well, at least @DukeU lost last night. #Sochi2014 #USAvsCanada

  • live: bobsleds, snowboards, angst, and bob costas’ eyeball

    17 Feb 14 … I never thought I’d be happy to have Matt Lauer back, but here we are. Thanks for that, Meredith. #Sochi2014
    17 Feb 14 … the snowcross course is bucking so many riders, the commentators aren’t even bothering to point them out as they go down. #Sochi2014
    17 Feb 14 … is #Sochi2014 actually trying to kill off all their snowboarders?
    17 Feb 14 … I want to be the fat guy in the back of the bobsled. #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … each time I turn away from the tube, #TeamUSA scores another goal. so, I’m going to stop watching. #USAvsSLO #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … Rebecca Lowe and Al Trautwig should never share the same screen. It creates a vortex of emotions that shreds my soul. #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … seriously, I can’t see the #FACup through the glare from Mitt Romney’s teeth.
    16 Feb 14 … with two kids, a wife, and a 60-hour a week job, I’m fully caught up on @NBCOlympics coverage. how is that possible?!? #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … the flirting between Rebecca Lowe and Al Michaels shouldn’t make me as happy as it does. #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … in a #curling battle between Canada’s shirts and Norway’s pants, who wins?!? #NOBODY #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … South Korean speed skaters aren’t any less annoying when wearing Russian uniforms. #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … yup, definitely the suits. #7thPlace #11thPlace #22ndPlace #37thPlace #TeamUSA #speedskating #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … we’re blaming the suits now? seriously?!? #yourejustold #speedskating #TeamUSA #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … so glad an Austrian skier is saving the cheetahs, because if she won’t then who will?!? #sigh #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … It’d be awesome if one of these Russians popped off their helmet and was Edward Snowden. #luge #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … twenty years from now, I’ll be having nightmares about turns 5 and 11. #luge #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … the #olympics aren’t the #olympics without @SamuelLJackson live tweeting the whole thing. #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … my wife on her comment on Meredith Viera: “I hope that shows up on NBC’s social media monitoring in the morning.” #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … my wife on Meredith Viera: “ugh, I can’t stand looking at her cheeks. look, I can’t wiggle my face!” #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … I don’t care how bad you think Matt Lauer is, Meredith Viera is worse. #BobCostasForever #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … short track should only be a sport in futuristic, post-apocalyptic blood sport movies. #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … where does all USOC’s money from McD’s and Coke go, if not to keep Olympians off food stamps?!? #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … I’m nominating Elise Christie for saddest #Olympics appearance of 2014. #speedskating #tivo #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … Sweden wearing white, Korea wearing yellow, USA wearing black. did nobody look at their flags before they got dressed? #Sochi2014
    16 Feb 14 … #ohdeargod, how did no one think of team relay luge before this #olympics?!? #Sochi2014 #TiVo
    15 Feb 14 … Vladimir Posner, I missed you. don’t ever leave me again. #ColdWarNostalgia #NBCFTW #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … “ya, you’d never dream of this type of drama for a team up by three in the final end. it’s amazing. it’s something you just don’t see.”
    15 Feb 14 … so glad that I’m watching #USAvsGER curling. they’re definitely not making the sport look, um, easy. #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … the Midwestern-nice commentators for #USAvsGER curling sound like their calling a JV game. sadly, they’re right. #Sochi2014 #TiVo
    15 Feb 14 … every event should have guns. cross-country, with guns. ski jumping, with guns. figure skating, with guns. #Sochi2014 #TiVo
    15 Feb 14 … power-watching #TiVo’e #olympics coverage, making up for the past week’s silly distractions like work, wife, and kids. #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … after falling for the #Olympics and the Mahre bros in Sarajevo, #Sochi2014 is a little hollow w/o an American man on the Alpine podium.
    15 Feb 14 … teeth per capita seems to be much higher for #TeamUSA. #GoUSA #USAvsRUS #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … this game was so much more epic when they were the Soviets. #USAvsRUS #ColdWarNostalgia #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … I have no idea who I’m rooting for. #USAvsRussia #RussianStudiesMajor #StockholmSyndrome #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … hey, hippie. pull up your pants. #TiVo #slopestyle #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … and the Al Trautwig award for most over-wrought commentary goes to whoever the hell is calling the women’s luge. #Sochi2014
    15 Feb 14 … nice to see the USA + South Korea speed skating mutual admiration society continues. #Grrrr #Sochi2014 #TiVo
    15 Feb 14 … I’m deeply confused how Russia men’s hockey didn’t beat Slovenia by double digits. I’m guessing they are too. #Sochi2014
    14 Feb 14 … drinking Cuba Libre’s, hold the cola. and, now that you mention it, don’t worry about the lime either. or the glass.
    14 Feb 14 … if/when I train for the #olympics, I’m brining sand toys so #mightyquinn can play in the long jump pit. @noellepikuspace #Sochi2014
    14 Feb 14 … oh, Evgeni. nobody should have to go out that way. #Sochi2014
    14 Feb 14 … how is it a false start if no one actually crosses the start line? #speedskating #Sochi2014
    14 Feb 14 … Matt Lauer, has he found — gravitas? #BattlefieldPromotion #Sochi2014
    13 Feb 14 … Once again, American women are cleaning up the mess left by American men. #halfpipe #Sochi2014
    13 Feb 14 … goldpants the pirate. #wow #Sochi2014
    13 Feb 14 … so USA and Canada don’t like each other any more? that hockey match was brutal. #thoughttheywerenice #eh #52ndState #Sochi2014
    13 Feb 14 … women’s ski jumping is awesome. lots of happy athletes. shame it took 16 years to happen. #tivo #Sochi2014
    13 Feb 14 … apparently success getting TV commercial deals does NOT equate to success getting medals at the #olympics. huh. #Sochi2014
    13 Feb 14 … kinda surprised there’s better halfpipe conditions on Pennsylvania Ave than in Sochi. #DC2024 #Olympics
    13 Feb 14 … #sparklet has named her favorite stuffed animal “Sochi.” #FTW #Sochi2014
    13 Feb 14 … wonder if the Russian homophobe police are patrolling the men’s double luge event. #lookssuspicious #GayingUpSochi #Sochi2014
    12 Feb 14 … mad props to the American fans at the sliding venue. #jingotastic #Sochi2014
    12 Feb 14 … for the record, even 3 minutes and 31 seconds of Al Trautwig is too much. #FireAlTrautwig #CrossCountryDeservesBetter #Sochi2014
    12 Feb 14 … Matt’s not bad. certainly better than watching Bob and trying desperately to avoid eye contact. #blegh #sochi2014
    12 Feb 14 … having a hard time getting into the #olympics spirit tonight. #figureskating #flyingtomato #sadpanda #Sochi2014

  • live: first weekend of the olympics

    11 Feb 14 … Costas, drinking vodka: “tomorrow morning I’ll wake up on a curb in Minsk.” #NBCFTW #Sochi2014
    11 Feb 14 … omg, there is a vodka museum in Moscow. #ofcoursethereis #whereelsewoulditbe #Sochi2014
    11 Feb 14 … finally, @nbcolympics did a human interest story truly worthy of my attention. on vodka. #NBCFTW #Sochi2014 http://t.co/0E7KH8XNnn
    11 Feb 14 … bronze medalists everywhere should learn how to celebrate 3rd place like julia mancuso. #awesome #Sochi2014
    11 Feb 14 … slalom: when bouncy sticks attack. #Sochi2014
    11 Feb 14 … this #Olympics, the commentators are (largely) warm and compassionate. what are you up to, NBC?!? #soconfused #isthisthecbc? #Sochi2014
    11 Feb 14 … would love to have witnessed the brainstorm that led to j.c. penny’s “when it fits, you feel it” tag line. #srsly #Sochi2014
    11 Feb 14 … one thing I did not miss in the last 3.9 years: the US v South Korea short track speed skating rivalry. #ugh #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … I’m starting to feel that last 46 hrs of #Sochi2014 coverage, tho it’s admittedly easier when 30% are prime time re-airings. #goodnight
    10 Feb 14 … benefit of tape, delay #Sarka is fine but split her helmet open. #Sochi2014 http://t.co/VGHEMVUAud
    10 Feb 14 … video of American Bill Johnson winning Downhill Gold, Sarajevo 1984. #sochi2014 http://t.co/IktV6bkWnD
    10 Feb 14 … oh, Bode. #dude #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … if you want to love women’s hockey, watch the third period of Russia v Germany from this morning. #greatstuff #liveextra #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … #murica, where the boys are named Sage and the girls are named Ty. #slopestyle #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … women’s Olympic soccer > men’s Olympic soccer. women’s slopestyle > men’s slopestyle. #truth #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … my wife has pink eye. Bob Costas has pink eye. coincidence? #ithinknot #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … I desperately want to say something dark and cynical about Meryl and Charlie’s moms, but I’ve got nothing. #squeeee #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … jesus, Putin. stand and clap. #Lipnitskaia #Sochi2014
    10 Feb 14 … dear. holy. god. #Lipnitskaia #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … my 4 y.o. is downhill skiing through the house. #Sparklet #FTW #Sochi2014 http://t.co/cS36Eddyl0
    9 Feb 14 … anybody know if I should watch ice skating now, or will NBC just make me rewatch it again tonight in prime time? #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … since when did the French get good with guns? #NoSurrender #Biathlon #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … this #Olympics my 4 yo has learned to ID the US flag, and to be sad when one isn’t on the leaderboard. #dropthemic #sparklet #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … women skiing with guns is good. #FredSavage #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … Al Trautwig must be blackmailing NBC, with the 379 times they’ve re-aired the same two #crosscountry races. #FireAlTrautwig #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … I love you guys, @texasinafrica @MoElleithee. even more than I love @NBCOlympics, err, I mean, #Olympics.
    9 Feb 14 … turns out Team Russia thinks it should be illegal, too. http://t.co/6RIlbUpD4K #crosscountry #sochi2014 (2/2)
    9 Feb 14 … seems like running over someone else’s skis to prevent them from finishing before you should be illegal. #CrossCountry #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … i have literally lost track of what i’ve watched before and what @NBCOlympics is re-airing for the 24th time. #NBCFail #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … despite all the #nbcfail’s, the deference @NBCOlympics is giving to Johnny Weir’s clothing choices is noble and awesome. #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … luge is awesome. skeleton is awesomer. #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … @NBCOlympics’ interview w/ Hannah Kearney last night was excruciating. maybe talk to the Canadians about what they did right? #NBCFail
    9 Feb 14 … please DM me your deets so that I can, um, thank you appropriately. love, your biggest fan. #NBCFail #Sochi2014 (2/2)
    9 Feb 14 … dear NBC programming director. thank you for saving all of your original programming until after 1am. #Sochi2014 #nbcfail (1/2)
    9 Feb 14 … making mental note to never stay at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. #subliminalprogramming #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … would love to meet the inventors of #moguls and to have been there when they pitched their idea to skiers the first time. #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … as I near my 20th Olympiad, I feel comfortable saying that Americans aren’t very good losers. #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … athletes are people who make hard things look easy. #Lipnitskaia #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … “I’ve never even tried that trick before.” #thingsyouneverwanttohearduringanolympicsinterview #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … I wish I could enjoy slopestyle, but all I can think about is that someone’s gonna kill themselves. #toobig #toohard #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … go after those twizzles! #ihavenoideawhatimdoing #Sochi2014
    9 Feb 14 … there is a Canadian ice dancer named Virtue? I wonder what their stripper name is. #Sochi2014

  • live: opening ceremony of the 2014 winter olympic games

    Giant horses are seen during the opening ceremony of the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics

    It’s that time of the year again, where I clear my couch, lock my self in the basement, and leer at my family when they try and take the remote from my hands. In short, exactly what I need to revise the soul.

    And for those of you with narrow views of social media, I’ll be live tweeting most of the olympics over here on Twitter. Come on in, the water is warm.

    9 Feb 14 … WOULD YOU LET THE %$&£?!ng SNOWFLAKE GO?!? #nbcfail #nbcfail #nbcfail
    9 Feb 14 … DOT regulations require 4 hours of rest for every 12 hours of #olympics watching. #WhatdImiss #BesidesAlTrautwig #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … skiing, now with 100% more guns! #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … this is the 3rd time @NBCOlympics has aired the women’s skiathalon today. is there nothing else happening in #Sochi2014 today? #wtf
    8 Feb 14 … when I was fifteen I could barely walk. #Lipnitskaya #FTW #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … I think the commentators have a different definition of “glaring mistake” than I do. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … I love thinking of ice dancing as having a blood sport rivalry. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … so, if I eat at @McDonalds every morning will I become an #olympics champion, too? #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … Evgeni skating to “Roxanne” from Moulin Rouge was kinda awesome. #GayingUpSochi #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … “No one picks their wax better than Norway, huh, Chad?” #FireAlTrautwig #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … the first voice I heard this morning was Al Trautwig’s. #deargodwhyhaththouforsakenme #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … “The first rule about smiling at Russians is do not smile at Russians.” #Sochi2014 cc: @texasinafrica http://t.co/OhhyzizLmk
    8 Feb 14 … I don’t remember ever thinking there wasn’t enough ice skating in previous Olympics. So, why did we add another event? #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … that slope style course is a %£*^?ng monster. reason number 437 I’m not an athlete. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … Bob Costas’ desk looks something from a Bond villain’s lair, making him #EVIL?!? #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … running through the cast was a nice, nice touch. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … it’s cute how Matt thinks that Putin sleeping around with #olympic athletes somehow undermines his awesomeness. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … #Sochi2014 commercials are so much better than the crap I watched during the Super Bowl.
    8 Feb 14 … oooo, swan lake. nice touch. shoulda seen that one coming, tho. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … seriously, though. this is pretty and all, but where is the caravan of cheerleaders in white pickup trucks?!? #SochiFail #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … remnick is giving Matt’s YOLO comment a run for its money. #NBCFail #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … comparing the Russian Revolution to the next commercial break. #commentatingexcellence #NBCFail
    8 Feb 14 … there’s obviously no epileptic people in Russia either. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … SOME of the greatest ballet dancers? no, sweetie. Russia gave us ALL of the greatest ballet dancers. #falseequivalence #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … yup, no gay men in Russia. move along please. nothing to see here. #GayingUpSochi #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … “We went up to the moon. What’d we get? Bored.” #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … it’s easy to forget how much better Russia is at theatrics than the rest of the world. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … don’t worry, Russia. every great country goes through an awkward French phase. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … #TeamUSA has #RussianUniformEnvy. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … so, is Putin’s ex-wife pissed, or relieved? #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … really, Matt. is that what YOLO stands for? #commentatingexcellence #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … big win of the games so far? reintroducing me to bad Russian techno. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … Putin: “Thank you, Ukraine, for coming. So we can crush you.” #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … there is no problem a little jingoism can’t solve. #TeamUSAoutfit #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … OMG, WHITE PANTS AFTER LABOR DAY?!? #SochiFail #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … “smile and wave, boys. smile and wave.” #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … madly preparing “jingoistic Christmas sweater” snipes for #TeamUSA’s arrival. #shootingfishinbarrel #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … I’m proud to have represented Nepal at the 1987 ODU Model UN conference. #REPRESENT #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … Meredith and Matt are now officially in a race to see who can be more culturally insensitive. #NBCFail #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … god, I love the Russian national anthem. makes ours sound like a drinking song. #ohwait #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … remnick, you’re making baby Jesus cry. be a force for good. don’t give in to Matt and Meredith. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … corn mowing machines. #olympicmoments
    8 Feb 14 … I hope that there will be 20 white pickup sticks stuffed with cheerleaders. #olympicmoments #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … do you think there will be a shout out to socialized medicine? #olympicmoments
    8 Feb 14 … do you think that maria sharapova could afford to pay someone to dress her better? my rates are incredible affordable. #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … Obama looks like he’s on Skype. #SochiProblems #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … during Salt Lake 2002 did Matt and Meredith spend this much time talking about terrorism and U.S. human rights abuses? #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … Bob, yesterday didn’t happen. Stop trying to make yesterday happen. #HallmarkHoliday #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … is now the time to mention that I was a Russian Studies major? I’m lying. My diploma actually says “Post-USSR Studies.” #Sochi2014
    8 Feb 14 … “it begins on the edge of the western world.” #cryingalready #justkidding #noreally #Sochi2014
    5 Feb 14 … are unfinished rooms “appalling conditions?” I’m guessing @washingtonpost doesn’t cover disasters, poverty, or elections. #olympics
    5 Feb 14 … 35 minutes of #Olympics coverage, and I’ve already heard four pronunciations of the word Sochi. #hireafactchecker #alreadysucking
    5 Feb 14 … BREAKING NEWS: Al Trautwig was NOT taken out back and shot for his London 2012 #Olympics gymnastics commentary. #FireAlTrautwig
    5 Feb 14 … what made me think that watching an #olympics preview infomercial called “Winter Gold” wouldn’t be horrible?!?
    5 Feb 14 … retired athletes turned commentators are proof that the hardest part of acting is knowing what NOT to do with your hands. #olympics
    5 Feb 14 … Apollo Anton Ohno bantering with Gracie Gold is #ohmygod #soawkward. #alreadysucking #olympics
    5 Feb 14 … women’s ski jumping just got 12 seconds of coverage, and 6 of it came from a @NBCOlympics promo. #alreadysucking #olympics
    5 Feb 14 … must be insane to be the grandfather of your sport, and be just 27 years old. #theflyingtomato #olympics
    5 Feb 14 … dear @NBCOlympics, this year #pleasedontsuck #pleasedontsuck #pleasedontsuck. thank you.

  • found: truth

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  • live: democratic national convention

    i didn’t have the patience (or spare time, or the death wish) to sit through the Republican National Convention this year, but haven’t missed a beat of the Democratic alternative. i’m a horrible person, but i’m in a much better mood because of it.

  • live(ish): olympic aftermath

    as of the end of the closing ceremony, i was only about 50 hours behind in my olympics coverage — which, frankly, is a record. i’m typically still clearing through the last few days of events long after people have forgotten they even occurred.

    • evancparker… p.s. has NBC’s Animal Practice been canceled yet?!? #GodIHopeSo #Olympics

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    • evancparker… damn, I didn’t miss NBC’s shoddy editing of the #Olympics. wonder if I can move out of the country before #Sochi2014. #TivoDelay

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    • evancparker… #Sparklet just said she wants to watch the #Olympics. so proud. and so happy I still have 5 hours banked on ye ole TiVo.

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    • evancparker… 9 hours of #Olympics left on TiVo, and holy crap this women’s boxing thing is for realz. #DidntGetTheMemo

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    • evancparker… still 16 hours of #Olympics coverage left on my tivo, and race walking looks like a scene from a Will Farrell movie.

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    • evancparker… 20 hours of #Olympics left, and I swear all of it is platform diving. ps. the divers’ towels are stupidly small. wtf?!?

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    • evancparker… 48 hours after the #Olympics concluded, and I’m not missing Ryan Seacrest at all. #Nope #NotEvenALittle #NuhUh

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    • evancparker… 31 hours of #Olympics left, but in case you forgot the gymnastics commentators are still #Harpies. #FireElfiSchlegel

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    • evancparker… 39 hours of #Olympics left. i’d lose my gourd as a handball goalie if getting scored on “just” 26 times was considered good. #Brutal

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    • evancparker … 42 hours of #Olympics left on TiVo, and my 2 y.o. (#Sparklet) wants to watch nothing but rhythmic gymnastics. #GodHelpMe

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