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live: opening ceremony of the 2014 winter olympic games

Saturday, 8 February 2014

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Giant horses are seen during the opening ceremony of the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics

It’s that time of the year again, where I clear my couch, lock my self in the basement, and leer at my family when they try and take the remote from my hands. In short, exactly what I need to revise the soul.

And for those of you with narrow views of social media, I’ll be live tweeting most of the olympics over here on Twitter. Come on in, the water is warm.

9 Feb 14 … WOULD YOU LET THE %$&£?!ng SNOWFLAKE GO?!? #nbcfail #nbcfail #nbcfail
9 Feb 14 … DOT regulations require 4 hours of rest for every 12 hours of #olympics watching. #WhatdImiss #BesidesAlTrautwig #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … skiing, now with 100% more guns! #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … this is the 3rd time @NBCOlympics has aired the women’s skiathalon today. is there nothing else happening in #Sochi2014 today? #wtf
8 Feb 14 … when I was fifteen I could barely walk. #Lipnitskaya #FTW #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … I think the commentators have a different definition of “glaring mistake” than I do. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … I love thinking of ice dancing as having a blood sport rivalry. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … so, if I eat at @McDonalds every morning will I become an #olympics champion, too? #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … Evgeni skating to “Roxanne” from Moulin Rouge was kinda awesome. #GayingUpSochi #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … “No one picks their wax better than Norway, huh, Chad?” #FireAlTrautwig #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … the first voice I heard this morning was Al Trautwig’s. #deargodwhyhaththouforsakenme #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … “The first rule about smiling at Russians is do not smile at Russians.” #Sochi2014 cc: @texasinafrica http://t.co/OhhyzizLmk
8 Feb 14 … I don’t remember ever thinking there wasn’t enough ice skating in previous Olympics. So, why did we add another event? #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … that slope style course is a %£*^?ng monster. reason number 437 I’m not an athlete. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … Bob Costas’ desk looks something from a Bond villain’s lair, making him #EVIL?!? #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … running through the cast was a nice, nice touch. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … it’s cute how Matt thinks that Putin sleeping around with #olympic athletes somehow undermines his awesomeness. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … #Sochi2014 commercials are so much better than the crap I watched during the Super Bowl.
8 Feb 14 … oooo, swan lake. nice touch. shoulda seen that one coming, tho. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … seriously, though. this is pretty and all, but where is the caravan of cheerleaders in white pickup trucks?!? #SochiFail #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … remnick is giving Matt’s YOLO comment a run for its money. #NBCFail #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … comparing the Russian Revolution to the next commercial break. #commentatingexcellence #NBCFail
8 Feb 14 … there’s obviously no epileptic people in Russia either. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … SOME of the greatest ballet dancers? no, sweetie. Russia gave us ALL of the greatest ballet dancers. #falseequivalence #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … yup, no gay men in Russia. move along please. nothing to see here. #GayingUpSochi #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … “We went up to the moon. What’d we get? Bored.” #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … it’s easy to forget how much better Russia is at theatrics than the rest of the world. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … don’t worry, Russia. every great country goes through an awkward French phase. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … #TeamUSA has #RussianUniformEnvy. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … so, is Putin’s ex-wife pissed, or relieved? #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … really, Matt. is that what YOLO stands for? #commentatingexcellence #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … big win of the games so far? reintroducing me to bad Russian techno. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … Putin: “Thank you, Ukraine, for coming. So we can crush you.” #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … there is no problem a little jingoism can’t solve. #TeamUSAoutfit #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … OMG, WHITE PANTS AFTER LABOR DAY?!? #SochiFail #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … “smile and wave, boys. smile and wave.” #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … madly preparing “jingoistic Christmas sweater” snipes for #TeamUSA’s arrival. #shootingfishinbarrel #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … I’m proud to have represented Nepal at the 1987 ODU Model UN conference. #REPRESENT #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … Meredith and Matt are now officially in a race to see who can be more culturally insensitive. #NBCFail #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … god, I love the Russian national anthem. makes ours sound like a drinking song. #ohwait #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … remnick, you’re making baby Jesus cry. be a force for good. don’t give in to Matt and Meredith. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … corn mowing machines. #olympicmoments
8 Feb 14 … I hope that there will be 20 white pickup sticks stuffed with cheerleaders. #olympicmoments #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … do you think there will be a shout out to socialized medicine? #olympicmoments
8 Feb 14 … do you think that maria sharapova could afford to pay someone to dress her better? my rates are incredible affordable. #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … Obama looks like he’s on Skype. #SochiProblems #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … during Salt Lake 2002 did Matt and Meredith spend this much time talking about terrorism and U.S. human rights abuses? #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … Bob, yesterday didn’t happen. Stop trying to make yesterday happen. #HallmarkHoliday #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … is now the time to mention that I was a Russian Studies major? I’m lying. My diploma actually says “Post-USSR Studies.” #Sochi2014
8 Feb 14 … “it begins on the edge of the western world.” #cryingalready #justkidding #noreally #Sochi2014
5 Feb 14 … are unfinished rooms “appalling conditions?” I’m guessing @washingtonpost doesn’t cover disasters, poverty, or elections. #olympics
5 Feb 14 … 35 minutes of #Olympics coverage, and I’ve already heard four pronunciations of the word Sochi. #hireafactchecker #alreadysucking
5 Feb 14 … BREAKING NEWS: Al Trautwig was NOT taken out back and shot for his London 2012 #Olympics gymnastics commentary. #FireAlTrautwig
5 Feb 14 … what made me think that watching an #olympics preview infomercial called “Winter Gold” wouldn’t be horrible?!?
5 Feb 14 … retired athletes turned commentators are proof that the hardest part of acting is knowing what NOT to do with your hands. #olympics
5 Feb 14 … Apollo Anton Ohno bantering with Gracie Gold is #ohmygod #soawkward. #alreadysucking #olympics
5 Feb 14 … women’s ski jumping just got 12 seconds of coverage, and 6 of it came from a @NBCOlympics promo. #alreadysucking #olympics
5 Feb 14 … must be insane to be the grandfather of your sport, and be just 27 years old. #theflyingtomato #olympics
5 Feb 14 … dear @NBCOlympics, this year #pleasedontsuck #pleasedontsuck #pleasedontsuck. thank you.