theparkerfamily.org

  • choose your superpowers

    I’m reading a fun (read: trashy) little book called Who Can Save Us Now?: Brand-New Superheroes and Their Amazing (Short) Stories, and while I don’t normally do fiction, this one is pretty good.

    so, each hero in each story has a strange new power to meet a modern threat (to become a meerkat, to mind-control televangelists, to never forget a name) which got the lady sparkler and i to thinking about what powers we would take if given the choice …

    mine was easy. ever since i was a child, i wanted (a) to have bionic eyes which would zoom, see infrared, take pictures, etc. and (b) the power to be invisible. i’d totally be the little monkey boy who’d come back with the intel and then let the main characters go off and do the dirty work.

    she floundered a bit, but soon settled on the ability to fly (“that’s be so cool! zooming in and out of the clouds…”) and to time travel, which — i’ll have you know — includes *both* going backwards and forwards in time, *and* stopping it all together. she also wants a costume that kicks major heiney, too (first draft is above, right).

    I thought my desired superpowers say a lot about my personality, but her’s seem an even better match. i’m curious, tho … are we the only ones who have thought this through?

  • live (not really): McCain + Palin = The Coming Apocalypse

    so, i not going to watch the whole Repub convention (a man can only take so much), so it’s just Wednesday and Thursday this time around. To be fair, i wasn’t going to watch any of it … but i have to say that I think the nomination of Palin for Veep (or Trophy Veep, or VPILF, depending) is a masterwork. the dems are in real trouble on this one, and i hope she’s not the harbinger of the apocalypse for their ticket.

    Also, in full disclosure, I must confess that I am not live-blogging this, but instead “tivo-blogging” this … on wednesday night, the lady sparkler and I had to decide between going to RFK to watch D.C. United win its 12th major championship, or stay home and bear witness to the coming apocalypse. it didn’t turn out to be as hard of a decision as i’d have thought.

    UPDATE: I was going to try and tivo-blog both nights right now… but my weak psyche just can’t take another three hours on top of what i’ve already endured. You’re on your own until the weekend when i’ll plow through the final night.

    UPDATE #2: It’s two weeks later, and the last night of the convention is still untouched on my Tivo. I’m beginning to question my dedication to this effort …

    UPDATE #3: It took three-odd weeks to gain the courage to finish the repub convention. Boy, the things that I do for my loyal readers … all three of you.

    Random thoughts below.

    thursday night

    8:07 PM “Sometimes the best sermons aren’t preached, they are lived.” Pithy, but I don’t actually know who this guy is.
    8:08 PM eighth incancation of “John McCain put our country first.” at least those wacky repubs got that call and response thing down … drill, baby, drill!!!
    8:11 PM Now he’s extolling the virtues of “Sam’s Club republicans.” Big, empty, ugly, destroys family businesses, filled with crap you don’t need in quantities you can’t use. Interesting analogy.
    8:12 PM Who is he again? Oh, Governor of Minnesota … the state that brought you Jesse Ventura. Of course, I say this from the city that brought you Marion Barry.
    8:15 PM Bill Frist is talking about HIV/AIDS? That seems like an odd play for the Trade Federation. What’s he up to…?
    8:16 PM Interesting to see Frist explaining the genocide in Rwanda to the Convention … wonder if he is going to need a map. He might want to explain what “Africa” is first, and move on from there.
    8:17 PM Frist ended with “God bless the children of the world.” Is he some sort of Commie? Who ends a speach with something other than “God Bless the United States of America.” I mean, really?!?
    8:24 PM Nothing’s better than a white man in a $800 suit saying “Are you ready to rock, America?”
    8:25 PM Brownback is highlighting McCain’s historic vice presidential nomination. Has he forgotten about Geraldine Ferraro, or is he just highlighting that the RNC is historically 20 years behind the DNC on social issues?
    8:27 PM Great talking point for the repubs: “Last week in Denver, the other party was encouraging us to ‘believe.’ They told America over and over, ‘Yes we can.’ But when you look at the past two years with Democrats controlling the House and Senate, all we’ve seen is, ‘NO we can’t.’ They said we can’t reach energy independence by finding new sources of oil and gas in our own country. We can’t cut spending. We can’t have a health care system run by doctors and patients instead of a federal bureaucracy. They say we can’t win the war in Iraq. While the other side may say ‘yes we can’ and then votes ‘no you won’t’ — John McCain says ‘yes we will.’”
    8:28 PM okay, okay, okay, okay, okay … call and response. i get it. you guys are *just* like baptist preachers. i get it. please stop.
    8:34 PM Now Mary Fallin (R-OK) is digging up the OKC bombing? They really are the party of the past … how about we focus on health care, education, foriegn policy or the economy? Heck, I think talkin’ babies, guns, gays and jesus would be more useful for the party.
    8:37 PM Candidate for most forced soundbite of the evening: “We need a president who knows you can’t negotiate with Evil.”
    8:39 PM Oh, God. A video about 9/11. This can’t possibly be good news for either party.
    8:39 PM “The first attack came in Iran.” Wow. Subtle. I wonder who we should invade next.
    8:40 PM “And kill us they did.”
    8:41 PM “We remember buildings burning, bodies falling.”
    8:42 PM Video closes with: “We will never allow that to happen again.” Wonder if that statement comes with a life-time guaruntee. I can just imagine: “We voted for McCain, and then it happened again. Can we sue for false advertising?”
    9:01 PM Sen. Lindsey Graham is discussing the “surge” in Iraq, with a picture of military headstones (Arlington National Cemetary?) in the background. Now, *that’s* an unfortunate image …
    9:02 PM Newsflash: According to Lindsey Graham, John McCain is presponsible for the Surge! If we pair his surge up with Al Gore’s internet, I wonder what crazy things we could make …
    9:04 PM Oifff: “Ladies and Gentlemen … thank God for Joe Lieberman.”
    9:06 PM Graham just downgraded “Mission Accomplished” to “We are winning.” Maybe “we are doing pretty okay” is next?
    9:06 PM There are some *really* awkward pauses in Graham’s speach, while he waits on applause lines. Is the convention just waiting for big names, or does Lindsey have the speaking presence of a turnip?
    9:10 PM Video on Palin. Starts with: “Mother, Moosehunter, Maverick.” I don’t think they were kidding …
    9:11 PM Palin’s daughters make me … uncomfortable. How much of the under-25, Middle-American-male vote do you think they bring in for McCain?
    9:13 PM “Alaskan Oil and Gas Conservation Commission.” What noun exactly does “Conservation” modify in that sentance, “Alaska” or “Oil and Gas”?
    9:14 PM So, this whole “candidate as sex-symbol” thing the video is pushing … Sarah Palin creeps be out in one direction, and Hillary Clinton goes the other way. Isn’t there a happy median somewhere?
    9:18 PM Tom Ridge is great and all, but couldn’t they find a better setup man? And where is Cindy. I thought she was speaking today.
    9:20 PM Again, the applause from the audience is really weak. Where did they get these delegates? Shouldn’t they be making a ruckus?
    9:22 PM Not being glib (this time) but I honestly don’t understand this line: “For the consideration before us is not about who can take a 3 a.m. call. It’s about who has answered the call throughout his life.” Is it a reference to something I missed?
    9:25 PM Oh, no. I sense another “call-and-response” thing coming on. Do repub operatives read my blog? I’m honored and all, but i think you took my advice a little toooo literally.
    9:31 PM Hey, hey. Here she comes. Cindy McCain video: Why don’t they recognize his first wife, and those three kids? Strange, from the part of family values.
    9:35 PM Yup. I’m sold. Cindy McCain is just like me. I have a $300,000 dress, too.
    9:36 PM No podeum? Shut up and get on the stage, woman. No speaking for you!
    9:37 PM Speaking without a podeum?!? Interesting. Veeeeeerrry interesting.
    9:38 PM Nope, strike that. Without a podeum, she looks like a talk show host … only less Whoopi Goldberg.
    9:39 PM No, wait! An NFL sideline reporter … only more awkward.
    9:40 PM No, wait … Sally Struthers! Yes, I want to give money to the Christian Childrens Fund! Yes, yes, yes!
    9:41 PM Must. Resist. Fast forwarding.
    9:42 PM “From the beginning of time, no matter how accomplished in other fields, women have always sought a husband with an eye to what kind of father that man would be. Well, I hit a home run with John McCain!”
    9:45 PM No more! Where is the #@$%@ tivo remote?!?
    9:46 PM We get it. No animal is safe so long as Sarah Palin has a gun. Next slide, please.
    9:50 PM This speach goes … ever ever on, over rock and under tree, by caves where never sun has shone, by streams that never find the sea.
    9:52 PM Rwanda again. Crazy. It’s like there are at now atleast 10 or 12 other countries in the world.
    9:55 PM “STAAAAND BYY YEEEERRR, MAAAAANNN! ‘CAUSE AFTER ALLLLLL, HE’S JUST A MANNNN.”
    10:05 PM McCain video: John’s father ordered the place he was being held to be carpet bombed?!? Did I just hear that right? — "Gee, thanks Dad!"
    10:08 PM Okay, I admit … his Viet Nam story is great. I would have gone insane by day two. Okay, okay … hour two.
    10:10 PM Ooooooo. They just name-dropped “Mother Theresa.” They are goooooooood.
    10:13 PM Now, *there* is the audience applause that the GOP handlers have been waiting for. Thank god they showed up before the coverage shifted to the networks.
    10:15 PM How did we get here? He was written off more times than I can count …
    10:17 PM Listen to that applause for good ‘ol Dubya.
    10:17 PM “Finally, a word to Senator Obama and his supporters. We’ll go at it over the next two months. That’s the nature of these contests, and there are big differences between us. But you have my respect and admiration. Despite our differences, much more unites us than divides us. We are fellow Americans, an association that means more to me than any other. We’re dedicated to the proposition that all people are created equal and endowed by our Creator with inalienable rights. No country ever had a greater cause than that. And I wouldn’t be an American worthy of the name if I didn’t honor Senator Obama and his supporters for their achievement.
    10:23 PM What just happened? They showed three people tussling, one of them holding a flag.
    10:29 PM Fascinating. THe protester was holding a flag that said, “You can’t win an occupation” on one side, and “McCain votes against vets” on the other. Unfortunately, it appears to be the work of Code Pink, which almost completely de-legitimizes the whole thing.
    10:31 PM It’s a bad sign that I am paying more attention to researching the protest than I am the speach. Come on, McCain … earn your nomination.
    10:32 PM Hmm, didn’t realize CodePink disrupted Palin’s speach, too.
    10:33 PM McCain’s an environmentalist! He keeps recycling his lines … “I’d rather lose an election than see my country lose a war.”
    10:33 PM Good decision to bring regular people to shout out during speach. Very presidential. Very “state of the union,” actually.
    10:34 PM Senator Obama passed a corporate welfare bill for oil companies? That doesn’t even sound possible. Wonder if it was another republican rider to an appropriation bill.
    10:38 PM This is a sharp change in tone from the rest of the convention so far. I know you send your pitbulls to do the attacking, but it’s almost like a completely different convention …
    10:38 PM This is a sharp change in tone from the rest of the convention so far. I know you send your pitbulls to do the attacking, but it’s almost like a completely different convention …
    10:39 PM First time I have heard a call and response that consisted of “boo-ing.” Did the Dems do this? Doesn’t seem like a way to bring in undecideds and moderates.
    10:40 PM He’s doing a much better job that I’d have thought. Very mellow. Not snippy. Almost seems compassionate, which is something his public persona could use a little more of.
    10:40 PM Good line: “My opponent promises to bring back old jobs by wishing away the global economy. We’re going to help workers who’ve lost a job that won’t come back, find a new one that won’t go away.”
    10:40 PM Another good one: “Senator Obama wants our schools to answer to unions and entrenched bureaucracies. I want schools to answer to parents and students. And when I’m President, they will.”
    10:43 PM Speaking of … it’s amazing how intrenched charter schools are now in our culture. Not sure I saw that coming. Maybe it’s just because i’m in DC …
    10:46 PM So glad that America got to hear chants of “Drill, baby, drill!” in prime time.
    10:48 PM Georgia (the country, not the state) must be so happy to have gotten invaded at such an opportune moment. The republican party couldn’t even find it on a map two weeks ago.
    10:53 PM John has been practicing the “earnest” vibe. Wonder if he has been watching old tape of Ronald Reagan. The repubs only wish he had the same level of charisma.
    10:57 PM It all comes back to a prison cell in Hanoi. I wonder if that is going to be enough to get him elected…
    10:58 PM This whole “choosing” to stay another four years … if the Viet Cong really wanted to send him back, why would they be bound by the wishes of a prisoner? It seems a little non-sensical.
    10:59 PM He’s starting to get warmed up: “I’m not running for president because I think I’m blessed with such personal greatness that history has anointed me to save our country in its hour of need. My country saved me. My country saved me, and I cannot forget it. And I will fight for her for as long as I draw breath, so help me God.”
    10:59 PM Yup, definately going for the Reagan-esque grand finish: “Fight for what’s right for our country. Fight for the ideals and character of a free people. Fight for our children’s future. Fight for justice and opportunity for all. Stand up to defend our country from its enemies. Stand up for each other; for beautiful, blessed, bountiful America. Stand up, stand up, stand up and fight. Nothing is inevitable here. We’re Americans, and we never give up. We never quit. We never hide from history. We make history.”
    11:04 PM Well, time will tell. McCain definately came across as more of the 2000-01 McCain that moderates fell in love with, but he didn’t seem to make an overarching statement. There was a lot of traditional conservatism, and I’m guessing once Palin went right, McCain felt better about moving to secure the center. In my humble opinion, I don’t think this speach was a win for McCain … but it certainly wasn’t a loss either. One thing is for sure: Palin has oppened him up to whole new strategy in the last two months … and I think only time will tell if it’s going to pay off the way he hopes it will.

    wednesday night

    8:17 pm parade of female ceo’s (meg whitman, carly fiorina) testifying.
    8:26 pm michael steele is no baptist preacher, but holding his own. “we need someone who won’t play to the public applause.”
    8:28 pm beautifully framed argument against affirmative action: “the ideal of a color blind society is worth fighting for … because each man, woman, and child is an individual, and not the member of a hyphenated class or group.”
    8:29 pm good god, did steele really say “drill, baby, drill. and drill now.”
    8:30 pm omg. the crowd is now chanting “drill, baby, drill.” i’m not kidding. i swear, they are actually doing it. oh, god .. and there are signs, signs that say “drill now.”
    8:31 pm btw, the republicans get the call and response thing. steele’s use of “do you want to put your country first” was exactly how it should be done.
    8:34 pm damn. if i was african-american, i would have some poignant things to say about mr. steele’s position visa vis our shared ethnic background.
    8:35 pm “the only label that counts isn’t partisan, but ‘American.’”
    8:36 pm romney is up. oh, my.
    8:37 pm “For decades, the Washington sun has been rising in the east – Washington has been looking to the eastern elites, to the editorial pages of the Times and the Post, and to the broadcasters from the coast. If America really wants change, it’s time to look for the sun in the west, cause it’s about to rise and shine from Arizona and Alaska! “
    8:40 pm Oh, my. He’s not kidding when he says … “Is a Supreme Court liberal or conservative that awards Guantanamo terrorists with constitution rights? It’s liberal!”
    8:41 pm “Liberals would replace opportunity with dependency on government largesse. They grow government and raise taxes to put more people on Medicaid, to take work requirements out of welfare, and to grow the ranks of those who pay no taxes at all. Dependency is death to initiative, risk-taking and opportunity … It’s time for the party of big ideas, not the party of Big Brother!”
    8:43 pm I hate to be naive, but could we at least kind of not lie about your opponent’s positions? “Democrats want to use the slowdown as an excuse to do what their special interests are always begging for: higher taxes, bigger government and less trade with other nations.”
    8:44 pm Ouch: “And I have one more recommendation for energy conservation – let’s keep Al Gore’s private jet on the ground!”
    8:45 pm Well, good news if we elect McCain … “radical violent Islam is evil, and he will defeat it!” I was so worried … can we sue for false advertising if it turns out he can’t do it?
    8:46 pm Ooooff: “There’s never been a day where i haven’t been proud to be an American.”
    8:48 pm That speech was amazing. Who abducted Mitt Romney and replaced his brain with Newt Gingrich’s? I think he just staked out the Conservative right for 2012.
    8:52 pm I’m starting to get nervous. Sick to my stomach, but nervous.
    8:57 pm mike huckabee. he just called McCain his “second” choice for the nomination (behind himself, of course).
    8:58 pm Just thanked the “elite media” for unifying the republican party behind McCain and Palin.
    9:01 pm First props to Obama for being the “person of color” nominee.
    9:04 pm Good message point. “Barack Obama’s excellent adventure to Europe took his campaign for change to hundreds of thousands of people who don’t even vote or pay taxes here.”
    9:08 pm Biggest applause line of the night: “I’m not a Republican because I grew up rich, but because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life poor, waiting for the government to rescue me.” It’s going to take a long time for Dems to shake this image in middle America.
    9:14 pm Good line from Gov. Linda Lingle of Hawaii about the authenticity of Palin: “She will not be trying to reinvent herself during this campaign! She is who she is.” They are just daring the opposition to take her head on … sheesh.
    9:18 pm This is going to be tough … i the Dems don’t take Palin on, she gets a free pass. If the Dems do, then they are beating up on a girl. We are so screwed.
    9:22 pm Oh, God. Someone get Mrs. McCain a gay man. I didn’t know they *made* dresses in that color of florescent green. That being said, it’s the only thing that could have topped her gold dress that looked like it was made out of my grandmother’s drapes.
    9:32 pm Rudolpho Giuliani. Can you imagine his career if it weren’t for September 11th? I’m pretty sure, he wouldn’t be speaking at the Convention, that’s fer dern shure.
    9:34 pm He’s started off being quite conciliatory, but I can just feel the wheels getting ready to fall off the rationality bus.
    9:36 pm Another refrain the party is obviously pushing: “America comes first.” Fascinating in the number of nuances you can read into that.
    9:37 pm Sure Giuliani can rip on Obama’s Harvard education, but he’s ripping on him for being a community organizer?!?
    9:38 pm Did Obama really vote present at 100+ State Leg votes? “For president of the United States, it’s not good enough to be present.”
    9:39 pm Giuliani doesn’t know how good of a speech he has. He keeps looking surprised at each of the reactions he gets.
    9:41 pm Giuliani is such a good old boy. Audience is eating up all the condescension. Is the key to Conservatism about the promise that one day you might get the chance to be a good old boy?
    9:43 pm Best line yet (despite the poor delivery): “They would have you believe that this election is about change versus more of the same, but that’s really a false choice, because there’s good change and bad change. Because change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy.”
    9:44 pm “Drill, baby, drill” again. Is this a NIMBY thing? Repubs live in middle america, so they don’t care about drilling so long as it’s off the coasts of the Blue states?
    9:47 pm “For four days in Denver, the Democrats were afraid to use the words ‘Islamic terrorism.’ I think they believe it will insult someone. Please tell me, who are they insulting if they say ‘Islamic terrorism’? They are insulting terrorists.”
    9:50 pm “And I believe, ladies and gentlemen, when they gave up on Iraq, they had given up on America.”
    9:52 pm Israelies and Palestinians aren’t “morally equivalent” and some United Nations bashing. [Insert punchline here.]
    9:53 pm At least they recognize the problem: “Like Ronald Reagan, John McCain will enlarge our party, open it up to lots of new people.” [emphasis added mine.]
    9:55 pm Oiiff, that hurts: “She’s already had more executive experience than the entire Democratic ticket combined.”
    9:57 pm “One final point. And how — how dare they question whether Sarah Palin has enough time to spend with her children and be vice president. How dare they do that.” Who did this? Someone tell me the name of the Democrat who did this?!? Speeches should require footnotes.
    10:00 pm  More awful delivery, but good lines: “We’re the party that has expanded freedom from the very beginning, from ending slavery to making certain that people have freedom here and abroad … And we’re the party — and we’re the party that unapologetically believes in America’s success, a shining city on a hill, a beacon of freedom that inspires the world. That’s what our party is dedicated to.”
    10:02 pm Here come Palin, and she’s a’ wearin’ pink. Or is that a light taupe? Or is that lavender? Why the h-e-double-hockey-sticks did they put her in something that is even allowing me to think about this …
    10:05 pm Palin’s son (who’s service is being trotted out again) is deploying, to Iraq, on September 11th. There is no way we can win an election against these people.
    10:06 pm I’m going to hell, but i am not sure i can support a woman for elected office who named her children Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig.
    10:08 pm At least her flaunting of her special needs baby was a *little* less crass.
    10:13 pm More community organizer bashing, “I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities.” I just don’t get it …
    10:18 pm This little gem is the byte I woke up to this morning on NPR (and my day never recovered): “Here’s a little newsflash for those reporters and commentators: I’m not going to Washington to seek their good opinion. I’m going to Washington to serve the people of this great country.”
    10:23 pm Much better response to drilling (and certainly more subtle) than I had expected: “Our opponents say again and again that drilling will not solve all of America’s energy problems, as if we didn’t know that already. But the fact that drilling, though, won’t solve every problem is no excuse to do nothing at all.”
    10:26 pm More ouch: “But listening to him speak, it’s easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or even a reform, not even in the State Senate.”
    10:28 pm More comments I’d like to see the footnotes for: “America needs more energy; our opponent is against producing it. Victory in Iraq is finally in sight, and he wants to forfeit. Terrorist states are seeking nuclear weapons without delay; he wants to meet them without preconditions.”
    10:30 pm She is trying incredibly hard to make McCain the candidate of change … “In politics, there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers, and then there are those, like John McCain, who use their careers to promote change.”
    10:32 pm I’m running out of nice things to say. “And though both Senator Obama and Senator Biden have been going on lately about how they’re always, quote, ‘fighting for you,’ let us face the matter squarely … There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you in places where winning means survival and defeat means death. And that man is John McCain.
    10:33 pm Another knock on community organizing.
    10:34 pm Apparently, It doesn’t count if you aren’t being shot at by foreigners: “And though both Senator Obama and Senator Biden have been going on lately about how they’re always, quote, ‘fighting for you,’ let us face the matter squarely … There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you in places where winning means survival and defeat means death. And that man is John McCain.”
    10:38 pm Objectively, a good speech … but I see the strength as energizing the base. Very aggressive against Obama, and (obviously) very positive about McCain, but I don’t think it will turn the undecided and there was very little on policy. There was a lot of mocking and condescension, and I don’t see how that grabs the independent, undecided middle.
    10:49 pm The more I think about this, there is no way she pulls disaffected dems. Big pull for the heartland, tho, but I don’t know how much of the heartland they didn’t already have.
    10:55 pm Gawd, I’m depressed.

  • the “silly” season

    so, i don’t know about your team, but mine spent $121 million this offseason to grab nine players off the open market.

    sound too “spendy” to be true? not in brave new world that is the english premier league.

    as a long time footy player (mostly in goal) and footy fan (college, national teams, d.c. united), i always wanted to follow the epl … but it wasn’t until recently that state-siders had the means (via two dedicated cable channels and al gore’s birth of the interweb) to actually follow an english club.

    so, for the last three seasons, i’ve been following Tottenham Hotspur, a side from North London that is probably best compared to the pre-2004 Boston Red Sox … a storied club, with a good bit of success early in their history, but lately there’s been a lot of, um, “potential.”

    quick detour …

    so why pick the Spurs, as oppose to one of the more successful english clubs?

    well, there’s manchester united … who are the new york yankees of the league and they annoyingly win pretty much everything (well, “the yankees” back when they actually won things). there *is* a good club in liverpool, but they are, well, in liverpool.

    there’s chelsea, which is funded by a vaguely scary russian oligarch who spends money as if his team were the yankees (but they aren’t, which makes the spending that much more offensive). then there is arsenal, a team staffed almost entirely by the french.

    as you can see, the decision wasn’t terribly hard at all.

    back to the $121 million …

    as you might guess there isn’t a salary cap in the epl, but that’s okay because the money we are talking about isn’t actually the player’s salary — it’s the money that the team spends to get permission to sign another team’s player. (yes, you read that right.)

    for example: some bureaucrat at Tottenham watched the European footy championships this summer, and noticed that one of the Russian players (Roman Pavlyuchenko) scored a lot of goals. well, “we like scoring goals,” mr. bureaucrat thought, so he rang up Pavlyuchenko’s team (Spartak Moscow) in Russia and gave them a lot of money ($25 million) for the right to sign Roman to a contract worth even more money (5 years, at $100,000+ a week).

    now, if you made it past the made it past the “veritable orgy of money” part and noticed that we had to bring in *nine* players this off season … you may have thought that so much turnover could be good (boston celtics!) but probably isn’t (florida marlins).

    right now, only eight Spurs (out of 40+ on the expanded roster) have been on the team for longer than two years. and, (oh, by the way) we are on our 6th manager in ten years.

    fortunately for spurs-fans’ sanity, there are only four months out of the year when players are allowed to transfer between teams (three in the summer, one in January). the summer transfer window just closed, which should bring much needed (if temporary and obligatory) stability to the team. so, for now, no more “silly season” and we’ll have to shut up an play, for better or worse.

    while we gained a bunch of good players during this window (a keeper from Brazil, midfielders from Croatia, Mexico and England, that Russian striker I mentioned) we lost two players who scored more than half of our goals last season. (ouch.)

    if i was a cubs fan, i’d say “well, there’s always next year” …

    … except that’s actually not always the case in the epl. as a special brand of torture for english footy fans, if your team finishes as one of the three worst teams in the league, you are “relegated” down to a lower league and have to win your way back up some later season.

    imagine the washington nationals getting booted to the minor leagues, the memphis grizzlies getting demoted to the nba’s “developmental” league, or the miami dolphins playing a year of college ball next season (… yes, they’d all still lose).

    so, *hopefully* there’s always next year …

    (oy, vey.)

  • home (dis)repair

    the lady sparkler and i decided to do a little painting this labor day weekend. [insert punchline here.] as you can guess from the picture, it isn’t going terribly well.

    we decided to paint the hall and the bathroom.

    unfortunately, the hall has five doors, two archways, and a whole bunch of heating and air conditioning objects to dodge.

    even more unfortunately, once we moved stuff out of the bathroom, the wall had 30+ holes left over from at least three remodelings, the tile work (under the sink) wasn’t ever completed, there is a hole through our wall going down to the neighbors below, the last paint job peeled off on in the face of light sanding, and our light fixture was cracked to the point that we became retroactively frightened for our safety during the last year.

    needless to say, this one is going into extra innings.

  • a surprise of epic proportions

    i have to share… right now, if you google “nbc gymnastic commentators,” the search results feature my rant about the Olympic coverage from earlier this month as result #7. if you google “a disaster of epic proportions,” i’m result #5.

    i don’t think i have ever been this cool in my life.

  • live (mostly): oh, *that’s* why i don’t watch the democratic national convention …

    for some reason, i got a hankering this weekend to watch the dem’s convention … i also got a notion to do a triathlon, oddly enough, but that sounds much harder. maybe i’ll stick with politics for now, even though this certainly violates my prohibition on paying attention to the news.

    thursday night

    6:45 pm early start … and only CNN is covering so far. (resisting the urge to put my foot through the television.)
    6:55 pm tee-hee! gold medal winning u.s. olympic gymnast shawn johnson led the pledge of allegiance today. i don’t know why that makes me giggle, but it does.
    7:04 pm why couldn’t they have put civil rights legend rep. john lewis in prime time when someone would have seen him?
    7:11 pm and while we are asking stupid questions, what are the odds that obama’s acceptance speech would fall on the anniversary of the day m.l.k. gave his “i have a dream” speech?
    7:18 pm i just saw michael dukakis! no tank or helmet, tho. (booooo!)
    7:20 pm i hope u2 is getting royalties for each time “beautiful day” is played at the convention. they’d be like bajilionaires or something.
    7:36 pm oh, will.i.am. what have thou wrought?
    7:42 pm sheryl crow? dear god. i never thought i would say this … but i’d like a little more substance, and a little less wolf blitzer dancing.
    7:50 pm make. the. pain. go. away.
    7:58 pm “i cann seee cleeeeearly nowww the raiiiiiin has gonnnnne.”
    8:00 pm whew, pbs.
    8:10 pm i love when pols wave to the audience as if to recognize their cheers, but with no actual cheering … udall just left the stage as if he had sacked rome, and all to the sounds of crickets chirping.
    8:19 pm bill richardson looks, dare i say, statesman-like? well, except for the ferret that appears to have attacked his neck.
    8:26 pm we’ve got to lose this “take america back” message … too confusing from a party that keeps talking about moving us forward.
    8:38 pm the baylor bears are loosing (shocked, i say, shocked!) on the other tuner. no option but to watch stevie wonder.
    8:46 pm i *swear* i just saw Jin-Soo Kwon from Lost.
    8:52 pm gore got a great speech, but has the personality of a wooden plank. there was a glimmer there around the environment, but he couldn’t spin it into the traditional platform issues.
    8:56 pm jeez, al. slow down …
    8:58 pm al needs to go back to being an elder climate statesman … ugh.
    9:07 pm i know that michael mcdonald has a “core demographic” but i’m damned if i can figure out who that would be.
    9:17 pm an eisenhower at the dem convention? i can’t *wait* to see who the repubs dig up for theirs …
    9:22 pm you know, i’d think eisenhower and the generals were good enough to really make a difference … if i thought any undecideds were actually watching this convention.
    9:30 pm (yawn) isn’t someone important supposed to be speaking tonight? i want ice cream. speaking of, do you think that the ballpark vendors are working tonight? i’m guessing veggie burgers, freedom fries, and tofu ice cream. no! sushi, fruit smoothies and an organic espresso bar.
    9:36 pm okay, disadvantaged soccer mom just went off on “what has george bush done for me” and all i could think of was “ask not what your country can do for you…” jeez, i’m slipping into the abyss.
    9:38 pm now *there* is the message we want: “i voted for nixon, reagan, bush and bush — but i can’t afford four more years…”
    9:44 pm those average joes just changed the convention … who ever found them, wow. authentic. completely unforced. life just doesn’t get better than a crowd of 70,000 people chanting the name of someone they just met for the first time.
    9:47 pm the lady sparkler just finished her puzzle.
    9:52 pm watch out, folks. pbs commentator david brooks has started drinking the kool-aid.
    9:59 pm dick durbin is such a happy man. joey biden was just a happy man. *everyone* is happy, and (most importantly) not faking it. who’s party is this again?
    10:08 pm  is this what 1960 was like?
    10:09 pm … well, except the sixties probably had less u2.
    10:13 pm wide shot of the stadium, at capacity, with flashbulbs popping. awesomeness.
    10:19 pm “That’s why I stand here tonight. Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women — students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors — found the courage to keep it alive.”
    10:21 pm the convention is using the words “democrat” and “republican” too much. it’s got to turn away some centrists and moderates …
    10:25 pm okay, barack. we get it. time to stop going after McCain’s plans and start laying out your own …
    10:33 pm Better, thank you: “That’s the promise of America — the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother’s keeper…”
    10:38 pm No taxes: check. Energy independance: check. National service and higher education: check, check.
    10:42 pm Damn, he’s good. And he’s just getting warmed up. “We must also admit that programs alone can’t replace parents; that government can’t turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility for providing the love and guidance their children need.”
    10:44 pm The national security parts were, quite literally, perfect. “You don’t defeat a terrorist network that operates in eighty countries by occupying Iraq. You don’t protect Israel and deter Iran just by talking tough in Washington. You can’t truly stand up for Georgia when you’ve strained our oldest alliances.”
    10:46 pm Keeps coming … “We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don’t tell me that Democrats won’t defend this country. Don’t tell me that Democrats won’t keep us safe.”
    10:48 pm Is the crowd chanting “USA, USA”? … I don’t think I have *ever* heard that one at a convention. “And I will restore our moral standing, so that America is once again that last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.”
    10:52 pm “I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don’t fit the typical pedigree, and I haven’t spent my career in the halls of Washington. But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don’t understand is that this election has never been about me. It’s been about you.”
    10:57 pm Unreal. I have no words. Crazy good.
    11:01 pm Big wins: going to be harder to cast him as soft, or as an aloof eastern liberal intellectual, and he made a solid play for the center.
    11:11 pm You know, he might just pull this off.

    wednesday night

    8:01 pm hillary moving to accept the nomination of barack obama by acclamation is a *really* nice touch. bravo, hillary (and her handlers), bravo.
    8:08 pm this notion of energy independence as an imperative to cut funding for “the terrorists” is a fascinating theme for the convention, and not one i was really expecting.
    8:16 pm the lady sparkler has given up and is doing a puzzle.
    8:26 pm why does Rep. Patrick Murphy have a men’s choir of secret service agents standing behind him?
    8:37 pm evan bayh?!? i *love* people named Evan … they are so smart, and handsome.
    8:40 pm note to senator bayh: if you are going to do an audience refrain, you need to wait for the audience.
    8:43 pm if i think evan is sexy, does that make me a monosexual?
    8:45 pm “We can no longer be divided into red states and blue states but must stand united as 50 red, white and blue states.” (groan…)
    8:53 pm in the movie of life, the Honorable Jack Reed (D-RI) would be played by William H. Macy.
    9:02 pm here he comes … jesus, bill. don’t screw up.
    9:06 pm four minute standing ovation. wow, we have a *very* short memory … has everyone forgotten the last 12 months?
    9:11 pm it’s like watching the Prodigal Son come home. jeez, he just exudes charisma.
    9:12 pm “Barack has the curiosity that every President needs.” wow, bill. now that you mention it, i think you needed a little less curiosity …
    9:15 pm “The world is always more impressed by the power of our example, than the example of our power.” Oh, Bill. I want to bear your children … hold me.
    9:24 pm *i love you, Bill!* i’m sorry i ever doubted you … take me back. please, take me back. (call me!)
    9:35 pm if we are dragging out john kerry, can michael dukakis be far behind? (ooo, and in his tank and helmet, please.)
    9:39 pm Is it just me, or does Kerry look positively gleeful to be asked to portray McCain as a flip-flopper? “Before he debates Barack Obama, John McCain should finish the debate with himself.”
    9:43 pm Did they just bring out Barack Obama’s white uncle?!? Oh no they didn’t!
    9:47 pm Note to Senator Kerry: Dude! Where was this four years ago? If you had showed this much spine in 2004, we’d be having a very different convention right now.
    9:59 pm Palace intrigue? How funny would it be if Bill Richardson got bumped because Bill Clinton went 10 minutes too long.
    10:04 pm  Quite a short film from Spielberg and Tom Hanks. Worth watching if they post it.
    10:20 pm Joe Biden’s dad told him that the reason we fall down is to learn to pick ourselves back up. I think that means he is Batman.
    10:31 pm For the record, I had no idea Joe Biden wrote the Violence Against Women Act. Now, I did know that he called Slobodan Milosevic a war criminal to his face …
    10:35 pm Get Grandma Biden’s face on a stuffed animal. Cutest. Celebrity Grandma. Ever. (Except for that “bloody the bully’s nose” story. Little scary.)
    10:44 pm Does anybody get it? If you do an audience refrain, you *must* wait for the audience. Come on, people. Please.
    10:52 pm Joey is going to be quite the pit bull. Between that and the international affairs background, Biden’s shaping up quite nicely. Wish he brought more than three electoral votes, tho.
    10:58 pm Awwww. And the DNC even sought fit to invite the nominee. Isn’t that sweet?
    11:01 pm All joking aside, I love it when the families crash the podium. If only they could select slightly less obvious music than “We are Family.”

    tuesday night

    8:01 pm first sign tonight is going to have a much different tone, from Gov. David Patterson of New York: “If McCain is the answer, the question must be ridiculous.”
    8:15 pm second sign tonight is going to have a much different tone, from Rep. Steny Hoyer of Maryland: “Eight years [after the start of the Bush administration], what do they have to show for it? Surpluses squandered, our national reputation tattered, jobs lost.”
    8:24 pm anna berger (Change To Win, SEIU) should be harnessed as a military weapon … her voice could shatter reinforced steel.
    8:51 pm is a mayor of fairbanks, alaska *really* the best republican the dem’s could dig up? (update: he’s actually the mayor of a borough of fairbanks, not even fairbanks proper…)
    9:06 pm Gov. Kathleen Sebelius (of Kansas) ain’t all that. She makes McCain look like a Baptist preacher. No way she makes national office, and would have been a *horrid* veep.
    9:17 pm Another refrain of “We can’t afford more of the same…” I’m sensing a theme, here. Not terribly original, but a theme none-the-less.
    9:26 pm It just dawned on me … Joe Biden is from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Dunder Mifflin is in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I’ve never seen Joe Biden and Andy Bernard in the same room. Coincidence?
    9:42 pm If Mark Warner’s jaw was any more square and rugged, it would be classified as a mountain range.
    9:50 pm Nominee for quote of the day: “When we look around today, we see … an energy policy that says let’s borrow money from China to buy oil from countries that don’t like us.”
    9:52 pm Now, *there* is the theme they need to keep hitting: “This election isn’t about liberal vs. conservative. It’s not about left vs. right. It’s about the future vs. the past.”
    9:59 pm Who wrote Warner’s speech? Damn, brother should get a raise …
    10:11 pm  Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA) just gave the third “shout out” of the Convention. We need to stop it with the “shout outs.” Pols just shouldn’t try to get “jiggy” wit da “lingo.”
    10:21 pm Is everyone on the planet from the southside of Chicago?!?
    10:33 pm The world needs more Brian Schweitzer’s in specific, and bolo ties in general.
    10:37 pm BWAHAHAH! The Hillary tribute video just featured Bill Clinton, and the only caption said “Hillary’s Husband.” Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
    10:41 pm I’ve loved Chelsea ever since that MTV inaugural ball where she gushed over Michael Stipe and 10,000 Maniacs.
    10:42 pm the lady sparkler is certain that Hillary’s had (at least one) face lift.
    10:52 pm Hillary just thanked “everyone in the 50 states, Puerto Rico, and the territories.” Damn it, D.C. get’s no love. *No* love at all.
    10:58 pm I (mostly) get the Hillary thing now. Once she got out of the thank you’s and into her stump speech, she became quite a speaker … and very eloquently told her supporters to stop yammering and get in line.

    monday night

    6:45 pm just started watching coverage on CNN.
    6:48 pm egads, it’s wolf blitzer! just stopped watching CNN. starting to watch “Family Guy” instead until convention coverage starts on PBS.
    8:05 pm i think that Jim Lehrer just referred to the next president of the united states as “beru.” as in, “aunt beru” from star wars. i don’t think that can be a good thing.
    8:22 pm early nomination for the most awkward moment of the convention: jimmy carter walks on stage, waves, walks off stage. you’d think if we trusted him with control of the nuclear football for four years, the dem’s would trusted him with a microphone for four minutes.
    8:33 pm second nomination for most awkward moment of the convention: somebody tell me why barack’s sister (Maya Soetero-Ng) wasn’t allowed to read her speech before she gave it.
    8:49 pm god, i love Jesse Jackson, Jr. now, only if his daddy would shut up.
    8:54 pm oh, that’s why carter wasn’t given a microphone … when asked by lehrer if obama had enough experience, carter said barack had more experience than he did when he was elected (ooof).
    9:16 pm carolyn kennedy taking the stage to the tune of “sweet carolyn.” i should be horrified by the cliche, but instead i’m getting my red sox garb.
    9:17 pm oh, god. why are they showing the kennedy’s at play on their yacht? are we trying to steal mccain’s $5-million-or-less middle class voters? let’s put him in a golf cart next, to seal the deal.
    9:27 pm ha! there’s the golf cart.
    9:33 pm damn, teddy looks and sounds good. can’t we find just one of the next generation of the kennedy clan who is fit for public office?
    10:04 pm   jim leach. glad he’s a republican. glad he supports obama. but, he sounds like kermit the frog.
    10:12 pm nominee for the soundbite of the evening from Leach: “This is not a time for politics as usual or for run-of-the-mill politicians. Little is riskier to the national interest than more of the same.”
    10:21 pm second nominee for the soundbite of the evening goes to Sen. Claire McCaskill of Missouri: “we’re not a red state. we’re not a blue state. we’re a united state.” (groan…)
    10:29 pm the lady sparkler is crying watching the michelle obama tribute video.
    10:37 pm the lady sparkler thinks michelle looks good. i’m a little nervous about her condi rice inspired hair cut.
    10:45 pm the lady sparkler is interested that “they” didn’t put michelle in a suit. i’m thinking she’s spoken in front of a crowd once or twice before …
    10:46 pm michelle spoke of military families saying grace with an empty place at the table for their deployed family. she’s gooood.
    10:47 pm … and *then* a shout out to hillary clinton. damn, that girl is crazy good.
    10:52 pm she’s got the entire audience in tears. i wish i had something snide to say, but i’m coming up a bit short … where is Cindy “20 year old face, 80 year old neck” McCain when you need her.
    10:58 pm one more nomination for most awkward moment of the convention: the satellite cameo by barack with his family. i know it was supposed to be cute, but *awkward*.

    man, i shouldn’t have watched … now i’m going to be really bummed when the republican machine rip the obama campaign to shreds.

  • “Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin’ town.”

    Quick trip to Chicago over the weekend, to see our favorite (and only) groomsmaid and hang in the big city with good friends. On Sunday, Chrissy and the lady sparkler spent some serious time bonding, so i got some quality time with my camera … first real use since Australia, and Chicago certainly isn’t wanting for subjects. Great weekend the whole way round.
    Explore the Photo Set:
    Photos: Chicago, Illinois

  • wait, the olympics aren’t over yet …

    unlike the rest of the world, the Olympics aren’t wrapping up this weekend for the lady sparkler and I.

    we’re only 200+ hours into the coverage, and have a solid 80 hours still to be watched on our tivo. (i know 200 hours sounds like a lot, but remember that one third of the coverage was commercials, and i swear another 20% was rowing or handball.)

    from what i have heard, every one seems to think that the games were a solid “A+” for China, and so far I absolutely to agree.

    unfortunately, i have started to hear some rumblings that the Olympics are starting to lose meaning. common talking points include:

    the Olympics are from a more simplistic time — Since the 1972 Madrid crisis, national politics have mattered nearly as much as the sporting events themselves, and this year the games were held in China despite their miserable human rights record.

    the Olympics promote rampant nationalism — there was an obsession about the total medal count (USA vs. China), an “our country is better than your country” measure if there ever was one. NBC’s coverage was pro-American to the point of being jingoistic (except for gymnastics, which was pro-Chinese once Al Trautwig finally shut up about the age of their women).

    maybe there is some truth to this, but it seems to me that this is a bit simplistic. each of us watch the Olympics and take away exactly what we want to:

    the internationalists see a great coming together of cultures to promote cooperation and understanding. the nationalists see a chance for us to prove our dominance in yet another arena. mommy-figure liberals see a reason to break out the kleenex box. daddy-figure conservatives see a reason to spend 2 weeks exploring the other 236 channels on their television.

    george w. bush sees a chance to be relevant (and human) again.

    sure, the coverage could be better. sure, the little sports (high jump, javelin, shooting) should get their due compared to the big sports (diving, beach volleyball, track). sure, tivo should be able to record all seven olympic channels at once and should be able to record more than 86 hours of coverage at once.

    but, in the end, it’s been a kick-butt two weeks … even ignoring Michael Phelps (which a dark, hidden side of me was trying to do after medal five or so). i discovered a version of the Star Spangle Banner doesn’t sound like the British drinking song that it is. i discovered that the Chinese know how to party, and are freaky good at coordinated dance moves.

    but, most poignantly, i discovered (finally) why every field hockey player i ever knew could crush me with their pinkie.

  • fenway park, south

    MVI_1583 — Originally uploaded by [ecpark]

    the red sox had a home game today in baltimore, maryland … with more red sox fans in attendance than they can even fit in fenway park north (i.e. the one in boston).

    you think i am exaggerating for effect, but:

    • there we no orioles fans in three rows below, six rows above, and one section to either the right or left. zip, zero, none.
    • two or three times an inning, the “lets-go-red-sox” chant would take over the stadium (see audio/video above). during the first two innings, a handful of orioles fans booed, but by the third inning they had all but given up.
    • red sox garb outweighed orioles garb (conservatively) by four to one. even in the season ticket seats down each baseline.
    • a sox bus tour in left field started “the wave” immediately after Jason Bay’s second homerun, and there were enough Sox fans in the crowd to sustain it for four or five circuits around the yard.
    • the only time i saw flash bulbs the whole night was when papelbon took the field in the 8th, and when they came there were enough for an olympics opening ceremony.

    i actually feel bad. it’s incrediably tough to be an orioles fan at these sorts of games — i followed the O’s myself for neigh on two decades, until i finally had my fill of peter angelos being nasty to d.c. — and the true fans must just stay home.

    as proof, some of the people behind us were kidding with one of the beer guys about how the only people who wanted beer in our section were the ones on the top row, but the beerman snapped back, saying: “i can’t wait until friday when the real fans come back.”

    the sad thing is he’s right … the fan’s just didn’t show, obviously biding their time until the sox (or yankees, who actually manage to have even more offensive fans) leave town. even the ushers looked beleagured.

    funny aside: we played “count the manny ramirez jerseys” today at the park and got up to just four. four! and he was only traded from the sox to the dodgers (for jason bay) three weeks ago.

    now, for reference … there were 200+ papis, 100+ papelbons, 20+ becketts/dice-ks/youks. there were even a dozen brand-spanking-new jason bay tops. but the manny jerseys have been euthanized from red sox nation.

    i’d wonder what that says about red sox nation’s feeling for manny, but i think it’s pretty apparent that it translates to “don’t let the door hit you in the !@#$@# on the way out.”

  • wanted: stupid, drunk people

    [Photo]
    ECPA20080816_1578, originally uploaded by [ecpark].
    i don’t like picking on the d.c. government (mainly, because it’s not as bad as everyone makes it out to be) but tonight has temporarily pushed me over the edge.

    so, there was a sobriety checkpoint tonight, southbound on 16th street. southbound, as in going *into* the city. obviously, lots of people get drunk in residential areas on Saturday night and *then* drive into the city after midnight … as opposed to vice versa.

    interesting hypothesis, but not my main complaint: they setup the roadblock just past the exit for park road.

    for those of you playing at home, park road — which was left wide open — leads to (a) a residential neighborhood, (b) a great cut-through street for people going to the bars of georgetown, dupont and woodly/cleveland park, and (c) one block away from a road that will let you drive around the checkpoint entirely.

    to make matters worse, they put the “sobriety checkpoint” sign at the top of the block, to ensure that anyone who could read knew they should take this right.

    how drunk do you have to be to get caught by this checkpoint? were they hoping to catch drunk people who were leaving their homes, but weren’t going towards the clubs, who weren’t able to read, and were too upstanding to drive drunk through a residential neighborhood?

    who’d fall for that? was paris hilton in town? mark foley? Vito Fossella? the bush twins?