I started tweeting a year ago, today — so i’m archiving them for posterity, on the off chance that Twitter goes belly up and takes their historical archive with them. Not bloody likely, but I’m neurotic like that.

2 Sep 09 … was just run off road by a car with “What Would Jesus Do?” sticker, but at least now I know the answer.
29 Aug 09 … is it too late to get a dog instead?
24 Aug 09 … office space moment. woman w/ walker moving faster on foot than I am driving. need gangsta rap.
13 Aug 09 … wondering how many goats I could get by agreeing to an arranged marriage for baby sparklet.
11 Aug 09 … covering up coral pink paint with a sunshine yellow makes ones room look like the Easter bunny vomited all over the walls.
9 Aug 09 … flopping: 2, cristiano ronaldo 0.
30 Jul 09 … i’m so very tired of being tired of being tired of being tired.
25 Jul 09 … “our kids should summer camp in Texas. they’d learn to ride horses and shoot guns — important knowledge for kids living in DC.”
24 Jul 09 … surrounded by 70,000 people in Chelsea / AC Milan soccer jerseys. is this the bizarro world the GOP warned me of if Obama was elected?
19 Jul 09 … freaking hell, I’m in the ‘burbs again. reproducing = worst idea ever.
15 Jul 09 … Obama singled out the Nats as sucky during an All-Star Game interview, but it’s not a faux pax if everyone in DC agrees (and we do).
11 Jul 09 … mini-golf, then dairy queen. maybe the ‘burbs are okay every once in a while.
6 Jul 09 … baby sparklet is now (apparently) the size of a large mango, which seems uncomfortably large to me. http://tinyurl.com/mxdsgf
5 Jul 09 … every trip to the ‘burbs (specifically Bailey’s Crossroads) reminds me why I live in the city.
2 Jul 09 … my iPhone knows to autocorrect “jager” to “jäger” which begs the question: who exactly programmed this thing?!?
28 Jun 09 … baby sparklet is kicking while watching the USA vs Brazil match, which is a good sign for future soccer-filled Saturday mornings.
28 Jun 09 … overheard from Tasha: “I agree that [in sports] all kids should get a ribbon, but I just think that should end at age 6.”
26 Jun 09 … if the FAA can’t keep planes on time during a recession (when no one is flying) what’s going to happen once the economy recovers?
22 Jun 09 … spent first father’s day helping my father rebuild my grandfather’s deck. seems strangely appropriate.
19 Jun 09 … we’re pregnant, and it’s a girl! http://theparkerfamily.org/musings/posts/2454
18 Jun 09 … spent all day tring to convince people that going to the ballet is manly (50 half-naked women jumping around) to no avail.
17 Jun 09 … just realized we have tickets to the ballet tmrw. how #@^%ing cool is that? like finding money in your pocket on laundry day.
12 Jun 09 … I’m pretty sure I just woke up from a dream in which I dreamt I got a bad night’s sleep.
26 May 09 … espn: spelling bee, followed by soccer. some where an Amer’can good ol’ boy is weeping.
24 Apr 09 … most beautiful words in English language: “British Airways flight 216 to London’s Heathrow Airport, now boarding.”
5 Apr 09 … made it thru my 34th birthday without experiencing any “unfortunate side-effects” of looking like Jesus.
1 Apr 09 … go Baylor Bears! grrrrrrrrrrrr.
31 Mar 09 … calling 311 actually works in DC. took maybe 30 seconds to report a disabled vehicle. I’m kinda proud of my disfunctional city.
28 Mar 09 … officially the first day in shorts of the new year, even tho it’s 48 degrees and rainy.
25 Mar 09 … never play video games with a recently unemployed sibling. *somebody* has been honing their guitar hero skills, me thinks.
22 Mar 09 … currently the only man at a lesbian bar in Rehobeth, and the band just broke into Melissa Ethridge.
21 Mar 09 … thirty-six hours in rehobeth. from here on out, I’m picking my friends based on their older sister’s beach house.
19 Mar 09 … fight, fight, fight for maryland! push up the score, keep on fighting for more, for maaaaryyyland — GO TERPS!
13 Mar 09 … really people, how many times do I have to say it? no white pantsuits before labor day. maybe ever.
10 Mar 09 … seeing docu-drama “ballerina” at landmark. pretty sure I’m the only boy who dragged his girl along and not the other way around.
7 Mar 09 … at the brand-spanking new Capitol visitors center. no wonder it was so expensive: it’s massive, and very shine-y.
6 Mar 09 … @ntenhross, is there an NTEN dc regional conference this year? a friend was asking, and i can’t find a thing.
2 Mar 09 … I have an embarassing love of snow that utterly conflicts with my curmudgeonly exterior.
1 Mar 09 … day o’ epic sports failure continues. just watched (in person) the Washington Capitols lose 6-2 at home.
1 Mar 09 … day o’ sports continues at my first capitals hockey game in nigh on 10 years.
1 Mar 09 … my beloved Tottenham is facing Manchester United in the League Cup final. nil-nil so far, tho not sure how long that’ll last.
1 Mar 09 … oi, nil-nil means extra time for tottenham. the 90 minute rolling heart attack continues.
1 Mar 09 … over 120 minutes, and not a goal to be found. penalties. come on you Spurs!
1 Mar 09 … sigh.
26 Feb 09 … at a mobile marketing conference, sitting next to Playboy’s mobile expert. I can’t even imagine what his day is like.
26 Feb 09 … New York is some of the most beautifully flowing chaos on the planet.
25 Feb 09 … #%^*+! I’m pretty sure I just saw the Jonas Brothers at the union square Virgin Megastore. my eyes, my eyes!
25 Feb 09 … on the bolt by to NYC. it’s filled with urban sophistocate bohemians, and I am the eldest by +/- a decade.
25 Feb 09 … the whole city of New York smells like pizza.
31 Jan 09 … crazy lines at the new American History museum. in January. can’t imagine July.
21 Jan 09 … $&@%! Tasha just flirted with john cusack (photos coming). I’m so screwed.
21 Jan 09 … google ball = prom for 30 somethings.
21 Jan 09 … on the way to dinner, and then the Google/LCCR ball.
21 Jan 09 … Tasha just met ben affleck. pictures to follow.
20 Jan 09 … in place for #inaug09, ready to count down the last three hours and twenty four minutes of the Bush administration.
19 Jan 09 … can’t wait for tuesday. if there were *this* many people at the concert, can’t wait to see how many people are at the main event.
19 Jan 09 … we got TICKETS!!!
19 Jan 09 … you wouldn’t believe the lines to pick up #inaug09 tickets on the Hill. probably a dozen lines, each with several hundred people.
18 Jan 09 … it’s nuts down here on the mall. two hours ’til showtime, and the place is packed.
18 Jan 09 … on the 42, heading to #inaug09 concert on mall and it’s standing room only after two stops.
17 Jan 09 … the vet is concerned that my cat freaked when her belly was shaved for an ultrasound. I’d be worried if she hadn’t.
13 Jan 09 … when did “dress jeans” become appropriate attire for the theatre?
12 Jan 09 … there is nothing sadder than a pile of dead Christmas trees on a city street corner.
5 Jan 09 … love the new 43 bus. just like the 42, but no Dupont Circle. publik tranzit rulez!
4 Jan 09 … isn’t it a tad early for valentine’s merchandise displays?!?
2 Jan 09 … learned how to knit, thereby annihilating my last remaining shred of masculinity.
31 Dec 08 … at the beach, and it’s snowing.
27 Dec 08 … at the brightest Christmas house in Virginia — photo: http://bkite.com/03fnX
25 Dec 08 … happy christmas, twitterbody — http://twitpic.com/we6z
24 Dec 08 … now obsessed with “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues, as potentially the best Christmas song ever.
22 Dec 08 … oi! NORAD is going to twitter santa’s progress @noradsanta (thx @davidconnell for the tip).
19 Dec 08 … karaoake at the office holiday party. dear lord deliver me.
18 Dec 08 … guy next to me on bus is rockin’ out to his third consecutive replay of “You Can Call Me Al” by Paul Simon. disturbing.
17 Dec 08 … surprise (free) tickets to Aimee Mann Holiday Show @ the Birchmere — http://bkite.com/0320K
16 Dec 08 … need a healthy dose of inspiration.
15 Dec 08 … resting after a *spectacular* Christmas cartoon extravaganza.
14 Dec 08 … my wife is bonding with someone re: their hatred of squash — http://bkite.com/02YfQ
12 Dec 08 … is it the holidays that are making me blog/tweet/post less, or am i just spectacularly lazy?
10 Dec 08 … planning our 4th annual Christmas cartoon extravaganza this Sunday. who’s in?!?
9 Dec 08 … what is it about Illinois gov’t that makes “sleazy” okay?
9 Dec 08 … wondering how much of my life has been taken up by Proactiv acne solution commercials.
7 Dec 08 … ugh. first head cold of the season.
6 Dec 08 … if you are marching in a Scottish parade, Burberry plaid doesn’t count.
5 Dec 08 … it’s cold enough that even ear-flaps aren’t going to be enough.
2 Dec 08 … why DC is unlike any city in the world: the hostess at New Heights just corrected us on the status of the Minnesota senate race.
30 Nov 08 … getting through PDX without an ID is surprising non-traumatic. and maybe even a tiny bit pleasant.
30 Nov 08 … lost wallet. left in rental car. car rerented. at airport w/o ID. wish me luck proving I’m not a hippie/terrorist.
29 Nov 08 … food, friends, dirty girl scout martinis, wii. — photo: http://bkite.com/02FSE
29 Nov 08 … how is it possible that the best tex-mex from our Austin trip is in Seattle?!? — http://bkite.com/02Gny
28 Nov 08 … movies are the new football games, and bacon-wrapped scallops the new turkey. all that is new is old again, or something-or-other.
28 Nov 08 … perhaps I’ll miss you, Stumptown, most of all. — http://bkite.com/02EQK
27 Nov 08 … used to think hats w/ earflaps looked ridiculous. after hiking around mt. hood, I now deem them the very height of fashion.
23 Nov 08 … CTSG reunion! I love these guys. — http://bkite.com/02ypI
22 Nov 08 … ah, Portland. just as cold and rainy as I remember. — http://bkite.com/02wYv
22 Nov 08 … realizing my life is defined by what I eat. — http://bkite.com/02x1c
21 Nov 08 … final day in Austin begins with cheese stuffed queso omlet. now, I can never leave. @ http://bkite.com/02wdQ
20 Nov 08 … am I the only one bummed to see gas prices plummet? besides the Saudis and Al Gore, I mean.
20 Nov 08 … eating half a pound of heaven. @ Coopers Barbeque http://loopt.us/W0S4Zw
19 Nov 08 … austin meal distribution: 60% tex-mex (with 1/3rd queso kicker), 30% bbq, and 10% other. need late surge in the queso metric.
18 Nov 08 … embracing my inner geek. i’ve missed him.
18 Nov 08 … just admitted to reading shakespeare for fun. expecting my friend count to drop precipitously.
16 Nov 08 … I [heart] queso for breakfast.
15 Nov 08 … goodbye, Washington DC. the next time I see you, it will be time to start watching those bad christmas cartoon specials I love so much.
15 Nov 08 … it’s 15 degrees *COLDER* in Austin than DC. dude, wtf?!?
14 Nov 08 … deciding if loopt is cool, or creepy. in Washington, DC http://loopt.us/TanGmw
11 Nov 08 … street parking in the city is all well and good, until you realize you have misplaced your car.
8 Nov 08 … fall colors at the National Zoo, now with fifty percent less tourists!
7 Nov 08 … just paid 300% markup for a copy of the “Obama Makes History” WashPost. I’m a marketer’s dream.
6 Nov 08 … radio: “president-elect barack obama.” don’t think hearing that will ever get old.
5 Nov 08 … it’s a beautiful day.
5 Nov 08 … tired, sleep deprived, but live blogging the election returns anyway @ http://ping.fm/KZvTc
4 Nov 08 … line to vote two blocks long. last year at this time, I was one of twelve.
4 Nov 08 … tearing up (like a little girl) every time i see a 90-year old say “i never thought i would see this in my lifetime.”
4 Nov 08 … unbelievable. the candidade was fantastic. the crowd incredible. if they say 80,000 attended, I’d believe.
3 Nov 08 … driving my DC-plated, hybrid, car-sharing ZipCar to Manassas to see Obama!
3 Nov 08 … plotting furiously to go to the Obama rally in Manassas tonight.
1 Nov 08 … just pumped gas in my Jesus costume. hilarity ensued.
31 Oct 08 … realizing that some party is going to eat it’s young after this election. here’s hoping it won’t be mine.
29 Oct 08 … just thought about Shel Silverstein’s “Lafcadio, The Lion Who Shot Back” for 1st time in 20 years. now i want a marshmallow palace.
29 Oct 08 … screw the World Series, the Boston Celtics just raised championship banner #17.
28 Oct 08 … say it ain’t so, ted: http://ping.fm/59puK
28 Oct 08 … was just told that i would be “Gonzo” if my office was casted for a Muppet Movie. words can’t describe how happy that made me.
27 Oct 08 … first two coke day in, well, forever. not a good sign.
27 Oct 08 … open letter to idiot: don’t run on Wilson blvd, after dark, in the rain, wearing black, even if ur in the bike lane. just sayin’.
25 Oct 08 … fifty-nine percent of registered voters believe McCain will favor the wealthy. just 11% believe he will favor the middle class.
25 Oct 08 … settling in for the last 20 hours of the (TiVo-ed) Summer Olympics. who’s with me?
23 Oct 08 … at 3:30 am, 10 lbs of cat on your stomach feels more like fifty.
23 Oct 08 … feeling fat and happy.
22 Oct 08 … wishing anyone could differentiate between “normal race tightening,” “yet another comeback,” and “dead cat bounce.”
20 Oct 08 … back home after the *beautiful* Hutchins/Kazi wedding. (photos @ http://ping.fm/kr1Gn)
18 Oct 08 … my wife got her hands henna-ed, and I’m too tired to come up with a worthy punchline.
17 Oct 08 … in a rental car without power locks or windows. truley, this is the third world.
17 Oct 08 … Texas, it’s like a whole ‘nuther planet.
16 Oct 08 … going back to Texas for yet another wedding of the century. (see #1 @ http://ping.fm/Pabqp)
16 Oct 08 … thanking the dear sweet Lord that I am live blogging the *last* presidential debate @ http://ping.fm/CKMYK
15 Oct 08 … &$@%# red sox.
14 Oct 08 … short work week, and no one is in the office. must. stay. focused.
10 Oct 08 … @holdie1: was that the volkswagon i almost bought? i loved that car. *snif.*
10 Oct 08 … loving my new furnace that doesn’t sound like i’m on the deck of an aircraft carrier @ http://ping.fm/jdoDJ
10 Oct 08 … wondering how long it will take the neo-cons to argue that the meltdown happened because we didn’t deregulate *enough.*
9 Oct 08 … @pixelslave “Doooo naaaaht seeek the treaaaasurre.”
9 Oct 08 … love me some “oh brother, where art thou?” not much nutritional value, but you just can’t stop. like cinematic potato chips.
8 Oct 08 … awed that 86 percent of fox news viewers said mccain won the debate. when was the last time 86% of any group agreed on anything?
8 Oct 08 … not happy to be live blogging yet another debate @ http://tinyurl.com/4o4dcc
7 Oct 08 … red sox, rays, dodgers and phillies. never would have picked that in a million years.
6 Oct 08 … if an anniversary falls over in the forest, but both participants are sick, does it make a sound?
3 Oct 08 … glad to be getting out of the center of the political universe this weekend, even if it is to Joe Biden’s Delaware.
3 Oct 08 … live blogging the pending veep apocalypse @ http://ping.fm/CKMYK
2 Oct 08 … still recovering from Sox game (late) last night. all teams in the pacific time zone should be booted to the Japanese majors.
1 Oct 08 … contemplating my one-night return to bachelorhood tonight. considering (*gasp*) leaving my dishes in the sink, unwashed, overnight.
29 Sep 08 … caught a little off guard that our first anniversary is nary a week away.
27 Sep 08 … live blogging the debate @ http://ping.fm/35UnX
26 Sep 08 … more flipped out about the grotesque politics around the bailout than i am about the state of the financial system.
25 Sep 08 … wondering if anyone thinks that dubya actually understands the script he is reading.
25 Sep 08 … wondering if people on the street below just saw me perform "i feel pretty" from West Side Story, complete with choreography. also …
24 Sep 08 … Tasha just said our (hypothetical) child’s first words should be "Yankee’s suck." I LOVE her.
22 Sep 08 … facing down five whole work hours without a meeting. paralyzed with fear and indecision.
21 Sep 08 … someone needs to remind me that it’s not a vacation if you don’t go home afterwards.
20 Sep 08 … lazy Saturday afternoon in Vermont. There’s nothing more relaxing on God’s green Earth.
19 Sep 08 … how do people visit Vermont and *not* end up moving here?
18 Sep 08 … @&$£%#ng red sox.
18 Sep 08 … loves me some Zoë Keating. most innovative musician in a long, long time. http://ping.fm/RPWJg
16 Sep 08 … i’d be at a demolition derby if my car hadn’t broken down. is that ironic, or vaguely creepy?
15 Sep 08 … pretty sure it’s bad when you have played four, won none, and are dead last.
15 Sep 08 … wondering why take-out food cashiers ask for your name when they are holding your credit card.
29 Aug 08 … *still* live blogging the Convention: http://hellotxt.com/l/oZnv
28 Aug 08 … Live blogging the Convention — http://hellotxt.com/l/R90o