Author: evancparker

here’s the story.

our heroic protagonist, let’s call her aby-bay arklet-spay, was minding her own business … hanging out on the changing table, wondering what life would look like on the “other” side of yet another diaper.

our incredibly omniscient narrator was assisting aby-bay with her diaper transition when he discovered that she (aby-bay) wasn’t quite done “negotiating” with the old diaper.

the third character in our little drama is the (mostly) innocent bystander, let’s call her ady-lay arkler-spay, was wandering around the room, looking to be useful, trying to distract from the fact that the only time aby-bay poops is when the incredibly omniscient narrator is on diaper duty.

before long, ady-lay arkler-spay bent down at the end of the changing table, rummaging through some bags of diapers on the floor, when … the incredibly omniscient narrator covered up aby-bay’s rear just in time to stop something really, very bad from happening.

ady-lay arkler-spay then started chatting with the incredibly omniscient narrator, while he stood there, releaved that he had just save her noggin’ from an inexplicably grotesque catastrophe.

after a few minutes of wanton distraction, the soon-to-be-no-longer-very-omniscient narrator decided aby-bay was finally done, and took his hand off her bum in order to bend over to get a new diaper.

at this exact moment, two things happened in perfect unison.

first, ady-lay arkler-spay decided she hadn’t fully rummaged through those bags of diapers on the floor and, second, aby-bay arklet-spay decided she wasn’t quite finished “negotiating” and decided to took advantage of the fact that her old diaper was no longer held in place by the now-not-really-omniscient-at-all narrator’s hand.

suffice it to say that badness ensued or, more specifically, long distance badness ensued with startling accuracy.

half an hour later, everyone was in great spirits. aby-bay arklet-spay was done negotiating so that she could happily start another two hour feeding, and ady-lay arkler-spay had just taken a nice, warm, satisfying, if unexpected, shower.

and the incredibly-omniscient-though-obviously-not-omnipotent narrator? he’s just happy to have a story to tell aby-bay’s first serious boyfriend when the time comes.