I started tweeting two years ago, today — so i’m archiving another batch posterity, on the off chance that Twitter goes belly up and takes their historical archive with them. Not bloody likely, but I’m neurotic like that.

14 Sep 10 … i just spent 45 minutes watching TV on mute so i don’t wake the baby. i’m 300 miles away at a conference for work.
8 Sep 10 … i just watched … two minutes! … of Aftermath with William Shatner … before his speach pattern … forced me … to turn it off.
1 Sep 10 … froyo!!!
26 Aug 10 … oh, and the zoo becomes much more interesting when your daughter wants to climb into the pens.
26 Aug 10 … there is something about the use of a toddler “leash” that creeps me out.
25 Aug 10 … awww. little kids with backpacks, shuffling off to school. it’s the only time of year when i’m happy to be old.
16 Aug 10 … not much can top watching kids from an inner-city school seeing a panda for the first time.
14 Aug 10 … are you ready for some futbol?
14 Aug 10 … fifteen minutes late to the Nats game, and they’re already losing.
13 Aug 10 … last night i saw a 60-year old drunk woman jump onto her table and start dancing. we shall never speak of this again.
12 Aug 10 … i have somehow pulled a hamstring, which would be more tolerable if i had actually exercised at some point in the last 18 months.
11 Aug 10 … my current book of stamps are for 39 cents. i’ve missed 3 rate increases, and apparently haven’t mailed anything since 2006.
7 Aug 10 … dude, I can’t take you seriously as an angry-tailgating-hipster when you’re driving a PT Cruiser. not gonna happen.
7 Aug 10 … just tried to engage the turn signal on our stroller. might be time for a nap.
29 Jul 10 … weekend, in no particular order: reunion, cousins, boating, bowling, remembering, seafood, family birthday and a trip to Fenway. nice.
26 Jul 10 … this “I’m tired so I’m going to sit up” phase is getting pretty old.
22 Jul 10 … in my tivo queue, “b-girl: a young woman overcomes obstacles to complete in underground break-dancing.” uuuhhhm, Tasha??
20 Jul 10 … hey, Jeff Smith (@SpeakUpW1). thx for waking my sleeping baby to canvass me about your campaign. let’s not do that again, maybe?
15 Jul 10 … I feel like I need some kind of large sporting event to monopolize my time.
9 Jul 10 … no way LaBron wins a championship in the next three years, which makes him throwing Cleveland under the bus that much sadder.
7 Jul 10 … date night!
3 Jul 10 … #$%&@ Germany. I’m running out of teams to root for.
27 Jun 10 … if I’m in the running to be the youngest person seeing a concert at your venue, it’s time to rethink your business model.
27 Jun 10 … pretty sure I just set a record for most times getting cut-off in a single trip to home depot. I [heart] suburbia.
26 Jun 10 … this is why I’m proud to be Canadian.
23 Jun 10 … watching tape of France v So Africa. feel like I owe it to watch the hosts win. feel like Im owed watching the French vomit on themslvs.
22 Jun 10 … watching CNN raise money for the Conservancy’s work in the Gulf. I love watching someone else do my job for me.
18 Jun 10 … “i’mmm rocket powwwered, slooow motion through the sky.” http://youtu.be/ELZ0k4xoMwk
18 Jun 10 … I honesty have no clue where I street parked my car last night. you suburban people with your fancy “driveways” suck.
16 Jun 10 … at the Tift Merritt concert. There’s like 12 people here, and the guy at the front asked to check my purse. Not a good night so far.
16 Jun 10 … going to a rock n’ roll show tomorrow (well, Tift Merritt) and it’s making me feel so young and hip (except that it’s Tift Merritt).
11 Jun 10 … i’m watching the world cup, and you can too — a primer: http://shar.es/mAyN5
7 Jun 10 … beat L.A.! beat L.A.!
29 May 10 … pitcher of shiner bock, watching the Celtics. Houston is *exactly* like the western part of Massachusetts.
25 May 10 … sparklet just grabbed me by both ears and started gnawing on my nose. think she might be hungry.
20 May 10 … girl just posed for a picture in front of the logo on our building at work. ahhh, it must be intern season.
16 May 10 … there’s a lot of crazy looking things at the zoo today, and they all seem to be on the wrong side of the glass.
9 May 10 … my 21 lbs, 30 inch, 6 month-old baby is going through another growth spurt. <shudder>
6 May 10 … champions league for tottenham hotspur! I know nobody knows what that means, but trust me its a really big deal.
2 May 10 … God, this baby is cute.
26 Apr 10 … it’s five years with @nature_org for me, almost two years longer than i’ve held any other job. oh, where has the time gone?
24 Apr 10 … sadly, @koonsauto doesn’t seem to be taking the toyota recall very seriously | http://bit.ly/ay4ntX
24 Apr 10 … yay! @koonsauto agreed to fix the issue with the prius recall, and in record time | http://bit.ly/ay4ntX
24 Apr 10 … you lose the right to criticize my driving if (a) you’re actively jaywalking, or (b) wearing green short pants w/ embroidered puppies.
23 Apr 10 … the only thing worse than a dentist appointment is arriving to find the office closed, and knowing you’ll have to do it all over again.
23 Apr 10 … waiting for the bus with a woman in a full burkha, with a closed face and gloves. that’s pretty hardcore for this part of DC.
20 Apr 10 … and i, for one, welcome our new #prius overlord.
18 Apr 10 … thinking of getting a 2008 Toyota Prius (VI). anything we should be concerned about?
12 Apr 10 … my email inbox has no apparent function beyond collecting Facebook notifications.
10 Apr 10 … wow, t-shirt just set new bar for jingoism: “If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank a soldier.”
7 Apr 10 … I was just pick-pocketed by a five month-old. life as i knew it is pretty much over.
5 Apr 10 … thanks for all the birthday wishes! I love you guys 🙂
28 Mar 10 … neighbor just asked for two ethernet cables and a networking hub. is this the new cup of sugar?
26 Mar 10 … what happens in middle america that makes tourists think it’s okay to walk 7 abreast on DC sidewalks?
22 Mar 10 … feeling silly because i stayed up last night to watch, not basketball, but the health care vote on CSPAN.
16 Mar 10 … we’re talking about you, Jon Colman. are your ears burning?
13 Mar 10 … way to go, terps. nothing says “we’re best in the conference” quite like losing your first game in the tournament.
10 Mar 10 … as certain as any law of physics, a baby’s likelihood of waking up early is directly related to your need/ability to sleep in.
9 Mar 10 … trying to figure out who to blame for the forest of white hairs that has sprouted from my noggin’.
3 Mar 10 … “facebook and omniture are huge advocates for privacy.” #omtrsummit
3 Mar 10 … either i’m really bad at picking breakout sessions, or my expectations are just way too high. #omtrsummit
3 Mar 10 … it’s 9:00 am and i’m at Club Dork? #omtrsummit — http://tweetphoto.com/13123004
3 Mar 10 … The Killers are playing tonight at #omtrsummit!?! our subscription fees are obviously way too high if they can afford that.
2 Mar 10 … why I don’t watch CNN: “Is US Quake Next? 75 million Americans at Risk”
27 Feb 10 … phrase I was not expecting to hear tonight: “is that Susan Boyle singing ‘Wild Horses’?”
21 Feb 10 … who has a phone they use as an mp3 player, that’s on verizon, that doesn’t suck? need an excuse to toss my AT&T/iPhone in the toilet.
15 Feb 10 … there is a nun ice-skating on the National Mall. I wish I was making this up.
25 Jan 10 … does it count as an “outing” if you’re just pushing around a sleeping baby?
7 Jan 10 … how #att has made me swear off my #iphone — http://theparkerfamily.org/musings/posts/3625
27 Dec 09 … first date with wife in three months. no clue what to talk about that doesn’t involve diapers. wish me luck.
9 Dec 09 … you forget how diverse DC is until you are standing in line at the courthouse for jury duty.
2 Dec 09 … snickering because my Chinese-made computer is stuck in a customs review by the Dept of Agriculture. Wrong type of “Apple” boys.
18 Nov 09 … mourning the death of Ken Ober, host of MTV’s classic game show “Remote Control” – http://tinyurl.com/ygj2qnl
6 Nov 09 … if people made babies before Peapod delivered groceries, I don’t want to even think about it.
5 Nov 09 … left iPhone in car last night, and dreamt that it was stolen so I could switch to a network that didn’t suck hairy butt.
13 Oct 09 … “either the baby is sitting on my bladder or my water just broke. not sure which.”
13 Oct 09 … “where are we going again? no seriously, grab my iPhone. I have no clue where the hospital is.”
13 Oct 09 … mommy is doing great, and dr says we’re about half way there. looks like baby sparklet wants to parrr-tay tonight.
11 Oct 09 … well, the good news about the Red Sox is that I now have pleanty of free time for the rest of October.
10 Oct 09 … new low. left TiVo remote in other room, and just downloaded a TiVo Remote app for the iPhone to avoid having to get up and get it.
9 Oct 09 … it’s 11:03 pm, and just closed the 4th inning. way to make the MLB playoffs accessable to the masses there Commish.
6 Oct 09 … we’re deciding between BBQ and Ben’s Chili Bowl for anniversary dinner tonight. did I mention that I love my wife?!?
4 Oct 09 … you know you are married and pregnant when saturday night excitement is walking to the target to look at baby crap.
3 Oct 09 … watching William & Mary football in HD, which confirms that there are waaaay too many channels looking for programming these days.
28 Sep 09 … u2 concert tmrw, with 8 month preggers wife. thinking about pillows and duct tape for makeshift belly “ear muffs.”
27 Sep 09 … glad I’m not a Redskins fan.