theparkerfamily.org

Author: evancparker

  • the ‘burbs and the baby

    photo
    for the uninitiated, i really can’t explain the horror that is Babies ‘R Us.

    our m.o.h., foster mom, is in town this weekend, and we’re taking advantage of her unbridled enthusiasm to travel across the vast wastelands of the D.C. suburbs looking for baby crap.

    the store seems to have been organized via the detonation of a low-yield nuclear weapon, and then ravaged by whatever rampaging, post-apocalyptic hordes survived. there is no sign of intelligent life to explain to you what you really need, just clerks saying what will happen if you don’t buy the most expensive device they have in stock. to make matters worse, only the most overpriced items are readily available, and all the “reasonably priced” merchandise is either out-of-stock, or hidden in some dark ghetto corner-of-shame in the store.

    admittedly, i might not be qualified to judge fairly — i hate the ‘burbs, i hate driving in the ‘burbs, i hate big box stores, i hate backward “R”s, and i get claustrophobic when surrounded by lots of 200 lb pregnant women using strollers as cow-catchers.

    none of this affords me an unbiased platform from which to judge.

    that being said, there is at least one good thing about these monuments to baby-spending-excess: you can touch the items. before you put them back down. and buy the same thing online. for 20% less.

    fortunately, friend and co-worker Papa Bradstein (unwittingly) gave us sage advice about a book called Baby Bargains, which is a kind of Consumer Reports for baby stuff.

    (actually, Baby Bargains is better, because while CR rates baby products, they don’t give much insight into why they rated one product better than another.)

    the book has been great, and i’ve been reading it non-stop … taking away solid info on not only which particular product is best for us (ie. one car seat vs another) but what types of mass-marketing bunk we can avoid entirely (diaper-stackers) without it triggering a child endangerment persecution or (worse yet) nasty looks from our parenting peers.

    luckily, as we slog through the baby shopping, the lady sparkler and i are on the same page about this breed of baby consumerism and she is every bit as exasperated/angry as i am.

    the only difference? i know more about breast pumps than any human possibly can with out getting his man-card forcibly revoked.

  • found: concert at the zoo

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    ECPA20090726_0724, originally uploaded by [ecpark].

  • the summer of sparklet

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    well, i’m pretty sure that the lady sparkler is pregnant. like, really *really* pregnant. like, duck-out-of-the-way-when-she-turns-around pregnant.

    she’s a total trooper, but is just now starting to slow down a bit and get some of those typical symptoms of pregnancy (well, symptoms other than me saying “duuuuuuude, you’re HUUUUUGEE” daily). she’s getting a little tired, little sore (back, ribs) and is a little more dedicated to her naps and early bedtimes.

    oh, but thank god for the el niño moderated summer temperatures this summer in the District. we’ve had a total of one day over 90 degrees since we got back from vacay this spring, and i think that is way better than we had any reason to expect.

    turns out that while my beloved is incubating, she isn’t so interested in being incubated herself.

  • karma: chinese zodiac

    chinese_ox
    the lady sparkler and i did our second consecutive date-night tonight … a movie (“up”), then dinner in Chinatown at one of the few real Chinese restaurants left in the city (“full kee”).

    the food was great, but the best part was the chinese zodiac place mats, which gives little personality sketches based on the year of birth. obviously, this got us thinking about Baby Sparklet’s personality, which
    (apparently) will be guided by the chinese sign of the Ox.

    Bright, patient and inspiring to others. You can be happily by yourself, yet make an outstanding parent.

    feeling like we were on a roll, when i got home i found a couple of sites that walk through the signs a little more. that’s when things got interesting:

    Ox people are hard-working and persistent, they can stick at a task longer and go at it harder than anybody. They believe in themselves and tend to classify almost everything into two basic categories, bad and good. They hold up their high standards as a model and severely judge those who don’t aspire to maintain these same ideals.

    Although appears to be tranquil, in fact, Oxens are ponderous but impulsive when angry. They are capable of fearsome rages, therefore, it is better not to cross an Oxen. Ox people are observant, they have remarkable memories and are good at reporting on absolutely everything they observe.

    that’s one heck of a way to start the description, but the rest gets a little better (“kind, caring souls, logical, positive, filled with common sense”) … right up until the end where it says that the Ox’s “childhood and youth will generally be without incident.”

    note the use of the word “generally.”

    for the record, it turns out that I am a Rabbit (“quick, clever and ambitious”) and, while my money was on the lady sparkler being an Ox — just like our baby girl! — she ends up being a Snake (“not to be ignored”).

    and while their “compatibility” estimates are really designed for life partners, it turns out that an Ox, a Rabbit, and a Snake can live pretty happily under one roof … so long as the Rabbit (me) and Snake (the lady sparkler) aren’t romantically involved.

    can’t wait to see how that all pans out.

  • date night / mini golf

    [Mini-Golf, Jefferson Park, Falls Church, Virginia]
    we constantly complain about the lack of mini-golf courses in DC, but it turns out that we’ve just been looking in the wrong place. around here, they seem to be in municipal parks for some reason, not in tourist traps surrounded by chain restaurants.

    for the record, the lady sparkler was able to swing the club around her growing belly … well enough that she shot her best round ever. she said something about pregnancy limiting her option for freaking out and doing crazy things with the putter.

    Explore the Photo Set:
    Mini-Golf, Jefferson Park, Falls Church, Virginia

  • rooftop fireworks

    [Fireworks, Washington, DC.]
    ECPA20090705_2131, originally uploaded by [ecpark].
    it’s a bit of a tradition in D.C. to clamor up to your rooftop (if you have one) to watch the fireworks on the Fourth. the lady sparkler and i had never been, but decided to give it a go this year … thinking that it was probably our last year to do something illegal (before baby sparklet arrives).

    i always assumed that the best show was from the mall, but i think the rest of the fireworks (they come from all around us, including Columbia Heights, Crestwood, Silver Spring and over by the National Cathedral) were even more fun.

    Explore the Photo Set:
    Rooftop Fireworks, Washington, DC

  • snacks

    I walked into the kitchen this morning, and the lady sparkler was rummaging through the refridgerator with three or four ziplock bags filled with food on the counter.

    “oh, you’re packing a lunch?” I ask surprised, because I’ve never known her to do such a thing.

    she stares back with pout-y face.

    “no,” she says sheepishly.  “these are just my snacks.”

    “your snacks?” I say, before I can engage my brain enough to tell my mouth to shut the heck up.  “all of that?!?”

    “well, the bread is for toast for breakfast.  I’ll have the carrots as a snack around 10:30.  i’ll get a sandwich for lunch, and then the blueberries are for after … maybe around 2:30,” she says.

    “I get hungry.”

    so, I back my way out of the conversation by saying how great it is that she has a plan, and how cute her little array of baggies are … when she let’s it rip:

    “oh, and shut up.  if it’s not this, then it’s sugar … and then there will be a whole lot more of me to love.”

  • sleep

    funny thing happened last night:  I rolled over and went back to sleep.

    as i have been whining about for months, ever since baby sparklet became a twinkle in the lady sparkler’s eyes, I’ve been sleeping like crap.  

    And while she is the one getting up to pee every three hours, i’m the light sleeper who is awake for 45 minutes after she crawls back in bed (the last 35 of those minutes listening to my beloved snore contentedly.)

    so, last night at 2am when emily the cat emitted a huge shreak, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter, and prepared to be up … forever.

    when I made it to the hallway, there was a rather startled (perturbed?) cat who had fallen asleep in front of the air conditioner intake.  the system obviously came on during the middle of her sleep cycle, and she was less than pleased at the disturbance.

    however, emily-the-cat-going-senile is not news … me patting her on the head for ten minutes while she calmed down, and then going *immediatley* back to sleep is the real story.

    four months ago, something as benign as movement would have (or more specifically, *did* have) me up for 45 minutes.  trauma (with the associated adreline rush) would have me up for two hours, minimum.

    but this time?  trauma.  10 minutes of head patting. back to sleep before my head hit the pillow.  

    I’m finally ready to be a father.

  • the five rules of baby names

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    photo.jpg, originally uploaded by [ecpark].
    there has been a lot of talk about baby names, now that we know the gender of baby sparklet.  

    we have our favorites, but are very much in the “exploratory” stage of the naming process … and we are still adding as many names to the list as we are removing.

    before last week, we had only discussed one rule of baby naming: 

    • the “last name” test —  each first name has a last name, and it’s got to match.  with a last name like “Parker,” that means the first name needs be something from the same Anglo school … and while “Mariella” is a beautiful name, “Mariella Parker” is just crazy.

    originally, the lady sparkler and i thought that one rule would guide us home, but now that we have spent some serious time talking about names, we have a couple new rules to add to the collection:

    • the “CEO” test — sure we want the baby to have a cute name worthy of babydom, but will it look rediculous on business cards in twenty years?  for some reason “Kaylee” comes to mind.
    • the “elementary school” test — will the child be able to spell her name by the start of school?  will the teacher be able to call her name without a phoenetic guidebook?  I think “Nevaeh” manages to fail both at once, as I can’t spell or say without serious assistance.
    • the “gift shop magnet” test — while personally i hate those personalized rainbow magnets you find in gift shops, I fervently believe sparklet should have the ability to find her name if she’s looking.  this means no bizzaro names (“Estrella”, “Willow”) and no bizzaro spellings (“Nataly”, “Madisyn”).
    • the “place in the family” test — if history (or the lady sparkler) is any indication, baby sparklet will be a force of nature … and likely the alpha dog of the household.  as a result, we can’t use any flowery names (“Lily”, “Emma”, “Ashley”) that are ultimately better suited for a second baby sparklet.

    I think those are all the rules, though there are one or two corollaries we are also keeping in mind:  

    • there has got to be a workable nickname (all I ever wanted in life was a nickname);
    • have to watch those initials (“Isabella Constance Parker” would have the initials “I See Pee”);
    • there will be no gender ambiguity (“Chris”, “Taylor”);
    • and no stealing names from nieces/cousins (which is a shame, because I *love* the name “Natalie”);
    • our M.O.H. won’t let us name the baby after the cat (which is also a shame, because “Emily” is my favorite name ever).

    aside from that, it’s open season.  let me know what you come up with … 

    Explore the Photo Set:
    Album: the lady sparkler, Sue and Jeremy (facebook)

  • found photo: boston red sox, washington, dc

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    photo.jpg, originally uploaded by [ecpark].