theparkerfamily.org

Month: October 2008

  • home installation: cropp-metcalfe vs. the aircraft carrier furnace

    so, i’ve been fibbing about how idyllic our life in dc’s mount pleasant is …

    sure the neighborhood is great, and the food authentic, and everything is walkable. our space is big, with lots of windows and beautiful hard wood floors. sure, we’ve decorated and painted just about every square inch of our abode.

    but, our ac/furnace sounds like you are living on the deck of an aircraft carrier.

    … right at the base of the aircraft catapult.

    … during the first 24 hours of the Operation Desert Storm.

    so, i did what any reasonable home owner would do, which is coincidentally what the lady sparkler did when she wanted a new coffee pot: i bribed our cat to destroy the heat exchanger with an acetylene torch so that it “had” to be replaced by a quieter model.

    (and, by “bribing our cat” i mean “it was at the end of its lifecycle” and, by “destroy the heat exchanger” i mean “it apparently kept catching itself on fire.”)

    being the expert and savvy city-dweller that my wife is, we quickly came to the conclusion that uncontrolled fire in our home was a bad thing, and that we should (indeed) replace our beast with a model whose white noise wouldn’t encourage me to kill the Beatles.

    so, we solicited ourselves some bids (by “we” i mean “she”), selected a vendor who ridiculously underbid the job for the equipment they were giving us, and i stayed home from work today to see it through (by “see it through” i mean “sat here and stayed out of the way.”)

    cropp-metcalfe was great. our home inspector couldn’t believe their price, and we had a friendly install team comprised of a 60-year old west african who couldn’t really speak any english and a 20-year old latin american who couldn’t really speak any english.

    the language barrier was funny enough during the installtion — they seemed to have fundamental differences of understanding on the words “up” vs. “down” and “back” vs. “forward” — but the situation became farcical when it came time to explain to me the many features of our brand spanking new (and shiny!) Carrier Infinity Series 2-stage, variable speed high efficiency furnace (58CVA).

    but, it’s up and running, works like a champ, and the whole unit makes just a whisper of a hum, compared to our old unit’s voice of God which passeth all understanding and causes our frail human melons to explode.

    if i sound giddy … it’s because i am. it’s like christmas, only in october. it’s like that independence day movie when the fireworks going off after the alien ship blew up, only better. or like when hellen keller learned to sign the word “water,” only more poignent.

    so, i’m going to celebrate tonight by (a) sleeping through the night, (b) watching TV with the sound about 20 decibels lower, and (c) going out with my wife to celebrate our anniversary.

    good night, and god bless you, and god bless the United States of America.

  • debate, part 2: the revenge of mccain (live)

    crap. there is a debate tonight, isn’t there. ugh.

    8:07 PM who am i. why am i here? no, really. why *am* i here?
    8:59 PM blah, blah, red states. blah, blah, undecided voters. blah, blah, obama, blah, blah, ohio, blah. blah, blah, debates don’t matter. blah, blah.
    9:01 PM if tom brokaw is approving the questions, why doesn’t he just ask them? i hate the townhall format. does that make me an elitist?
    9:02 PM i think we need to reevaluate making me a despot. i promise to be benevolent.
    9:08 PM mccain looks like a compassionate human being. what is he up to?
    9:14 PM oh, man! naked gun 2 1/2 is on. what am i doing with my life?!?
    9:16 PM obama isn’t looking good pointing so many fingers. just ignore mccain, and talk about a PLAN.
    9:18 PM NO ONE OUTSIDE OF THE BELTWAY THINKS THAT WRITING A LETTER IS DOING ANYTHING AT ALL. DROP IT.
    9:23 PM i hate this format. now instead of not answering the media’s questions (which we all agree is perfectly acceptable) they are now ignoring the questions of the general public. how is this good thing?
    9:25 PM mccain is going to cut entitlements and build a bunch of nuclear plants. i’m guessing he isn’t trying to turn dems to his cause …
    9:26 PM good for Obama knowing the price of gas in Nashville. nice touch.
    9:30 PM mccain is really spending a LOT of time talking about his record. are there that many who are unsure about it? if the are unsure about it, are they going to take his word at face value? i’m guessing not.
    9:30 PM “we’re not rifle shots here.” what exactly does this mean?
    9:38 PM CNN: the little audience response graph at the bottom of the screen *flatlined* on mccains crack that keeping track of obama’s tax plans are like nailing jello to the wall.
    9:42 PM social security reform isn’t tough, why hasn’t it been done yet, John?
    9:45 PM i’m thinking john’s record on climate change is a little suspect if his veep isn’t even sure global warming is caused by human beings. speaking of, i wonder if she falls into the “caused by cow flatulence” camp.
    9:49 PM don’t do it, obama. don’t go negative on mccain. we expect it from him, not from you.
    9:51 PM i have to look up that “politicians haven’t done anything in 30 years about energy, and mccain has been there for 26 of them” comment. if you *have* to go negative, that’s the way to go. let people draw their own conclusions. lead the horses to water, and most of us will drink.
    9:58 PM health care as a right for every american. god bless that man. god bless him.
    10:02 PM john mccain’s response to when to use military might is the best he has ever given … right up until that patronizing part at the very end.
    10:03 PM either i’m drunk or these things are getting easier to sit through. wait a second, i am drunk. nevermind.
    10:07 PM CNN has these analyst score cards … and i added up all six results for both candidates — Obama, 60. McCain, 11. Youch.
    10:09 PM I’m so tired of McCain’s hero-worship of Petraeus and Reagan. Why does he feel he needs to do it, and what would the analogy be for Obama. Clinton? Kennedy? LBJ?
    10:12 PM Hey, McCain’s got a new hero!!! It’s Teddy Roosevelt, now. Maybe he will shut up about Petraeus. (Or maybe not…)
    10:19 PM McCain’s negative comments flatlining on the audience response graph reminds the missus of McCain’s heart flatlining, which reminds her that he’s old, which makes her sad.
    10:21 PM gawd, he really is old.
    10:22 PM crap, Obama forgot his lines about Russia. slow and steady, my friend. noun first, then try a verb, then maybe an object … nice and slow.
    10:27 PM i am soooo tired of the “pre-conditions before talking to iran” issue. even if you are right, it’s not a campaign issue. NEXT SLIDE, please.
    10:29 PM stupid question! iran will not attack israel, and (if they did) china and russia would never oppose a response. the entire question is non-sensical. not to mention, isreal would beat the bejeeebus out of iran, so there would be no need to respond by the time we could muster the troops.
    10:31 PM question from new hampshire: “what don’t you know and how will you learn it?” damn hippies. wiskey-tango-foxtrot?
    10:32 PM wrap it up kids, i’m done.
    10:34 PM there is such a generational gap between the two candidates, and it shows in every single word, look and response.
    10:35 PM Final score from CNN — McCain, 29. Obama, 69.
    10:37 PM the disdain between the two candidates is actually pretty sad, especially considering they have both run a (relatively) clean campaign … at least when compared to the last two elections.
    10:56 PM three debates down, one to go. i hope i’m out of town for that one. maybe i should start planning a trip …

    final thoughts

    The generational gap was more apparent tonight that it ever was before … and i’m guessing it was due to the absence of the podiums. McCain looked old, and the more he looks old, i think the more the rank and file Americans (who aren’t beguiled by Palin’s neocon-ly charms) bail on his campaign.

    I’m glad the onslaught of personal attacks didn’t come … i think slinging mud would hurt both sides more than they’d help, because it causes the middle to stay home. We’ve had enough elections in recent memory that were about mobilizing the base, and that doesn’t help the national discourse by any means.

    Yet again, I don’t there was anything here to change the conversation, and status quo favors the guy in the lead. My main concern is as it was after the very first one … Obama needs to start building up a lead, because once the white people are in the voting booth alone, all polls and predictions become bogus.

    update: i just heard cnn’s republican and democratic analysts hand the election to obama (pending major implosion, etc). basically, the argument was that the things that mccain would need to do to take the lead are either too late (policy shift, separation from bush) or have too high a potential to backfire (personal attacks).

    other interesting tidbit … in the initial poll, 50%+ thought that obama won (not news) but mccain’s unfavorable ratings are at 46%, while barack’s fell to 34% after the debate. if mccain is really 12% behind in unfavorables, there is no way he wins … you just can’t overcome a gap like that.

  • confessions of a (late blooming) red sox fan

    the red sox pulled another rabbit out of a hat, last night, and their improbably run through the playoffs continues.

    i hate to say it, but i didn’t think they’d make it out of the first round this year … with Manny almost single-handedly destroying the team and the team bogged down with so many injuries.

    So, when new kid Jed Lowrie slapped in new kid Jason Bay last night at the bottom of the ninth, the moment was that much more magical. and, all this excitement …

    … just made me feel guilty.

    earlier in the day, i had (yet another) water cooler conversation about playoff baseball.

    one was a brewers fan, who was (mostly) content with Milwaukee’s valiant run to the playoffs, which would have been the envy of every small market team in baseball if the Tampa Rays weren’t still in the thick of things.

    the other was an orioles fan was reminiscing about the last time they had young, promising talent good enough to win the rookie of the year award (answer: never) and bemoaning the groundswell of “fans” jumping on the red sox band wagon since ending their 86 year championship drought in 2004.

    that’s when i felt the guilt … i was an orioles fan (*gasp!*) as recently as 2002.

    it all started in earnest when i moved to a place about eight miles from Camden Yards. growing up, i had been raised to root for the home team: my Vermont brother (red sox), my Maine father (Boston braves, and then red sox) and my new york grandfather (Yankees) all supported the local teams. I’d argue that it’s your civic duty.

    but then 2003 happened. i moved to dc (who was desperately trying to get their own team, one which i root for in the National League) which relieved the Orioles of their position as the team next door. I also came to the realization that Peter Angelos, owner of the Orioles, was actually the anti-Christ based on his sad attempts to keep a team out of DC (a rant already rant-ed at length).

    so, without a team to cheer for (the Nats hadn’t arrived yet, and i had blacklisted the O’s) i started shopping around.

    basically, everyone in my family who follows baseball, follows the red sox … so there was some attraction there. also, i had already built up a healthy, low-boiling hatred of the Yankees (sorry, grand-pa) based lightly on those annoying 25 championships, but mostly on their thuggish jersey-based fans who streamed into Baltimore for the games each year. (if there is one thing the red sox and orioles share, it’s an un-abiding hatred of the Yankees.)

    so, after spending most of 2003 without a team to cheer for, the post-season saw me rooting *against* the Yankees yet again, which based on their ALCS match up with Boston, meant i would need to root *for* the Red Sox.

    i watched all seven games of the series that year, and got (what turned out to be) my only true flavor of the misery that being a Red Sox fan is associated with: series tied at 3 a piece, game tied 5-5, Yankees at bat to begin the bottom half of the 11th inning … first pitch is knocked out of the park by Aaron Boone. Yankees win the game. Boston loses the series.

    (ironically enough, Aaron Boon is now with the Washington Nationals, and is the one player i can’t bring myself to cheer for.)

    i barely knew what a baseball was during the last major Sox tragedy (Bill Buckner and the ball between the legs in ’86) but if it sucked anything like this did, I’m glad i was too young.

    and, from that point on, i was hooked. i even converted the lady sparkler into enough of a fan that she believes “@$%#$” is J.D. Drew’s middle name, knows that Big Papi needs to get his act together and start bringing in some runs, and thinks Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia are cute (I’ll take my in’s how ever i can get them).

    so, there you go. red sox nation member since October 2003. five years and two championships later, life on the bandwagon is great. i just want you new punks to know that i was hear first, even if it wasn’t by much.

  • hike: cape henlopen, delaware

    See All the Photos on Flickr:
    cape henlopen state park, delaware

  • first attempt at anniversary fails, couple reshedules for friday

    it’s our anniversary, and the lady sparkler and I packed up Saturday for some light camping along the Delaware shore (cape helopen, near rehobeth).

    the first problem is that she’s been fighting a cold, and it seemed to take up residence as the weekend went on. second problem was that the beach town was packed with old white people and their funny accents (the origin of which we never did figure out).

    but besides side-stepping octagenarians, we had a good lunch (authentic, takeout fish and chips) at the beach before heading bailing for the quiet serenity of the nearby state park.

    turns out that the economy really is in the toilet, because while every motel had bountiful vacancies, the campsite was quite literally packed with miserable looking middle-class white people. we checked in, and found our allotted 8 foot square patch of sand surrounded on all sides by kids, dogs and cars.

    our site seemed to have the special designation of being the dog run for the neighbooring sites, which would have been about 2 feet from our tent once pitched. i am pretty certain that I have never seen such a small “campsite” before, and (we decided) hope to never again.

    so, given the illness, the kids, the dogs, and the funny accents, we decided to take a long walk around the cape, eat some cheesy-so-bad-it’s-good Mexican food (Chevy’s) along the highway home and call it a day.

    in full disclosure, the day was by no means a wash … we had gorgeous weather, a beautiful hike, and a wonderful day trip. we’re going to celebrate our anniversary on Friday instead, with a meal at our favorite-est fancy restaurant in the world — Acadiana — like good affluent, married white-people should.

    hopefully we’ll have less sickness, and we’ll definitely have less funny accents.

  • live: the veep debate

    I’ve been looking to avoid this evening since I heard the veep nominations…

    The expectations for Palin are so low, that if she strings two coherent sentences together she wins. If Biden crushes her, she wins. If the moderator asks her hard questions, she wins. If she shows up with a star-spangled swimsuit and poses with a gun, she wins.

    To quote the pimply faced boy from the Simpsons: this is only going to end in tears.

    7:33 PM To get warmed up, some favorite veep-debate quotes:
    7:33 PM “Who am I? Why am I here? I’m not a politician…”
    — Admiral James Stockdale
    7:34 PM “I will never have another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo.”
    — Senator Dan Quayle
    7:36 PM “George Bush taking credit for the Berlin Wall coming down is like the rooster taking credit for the sunrise.”
    — Sen. Al Gore
    9:01 PM Ahhh … back on PBS, but I am already missing that little audience response graph on CNN.
    9:02 PM If you flip between CNN and PBS, CNN is on a 5 second tape delay. Are they expecting a wardrobe malfunction?
    9:04 PM How come Joe in a black suit looks professional, but Sarah in a black suit looks like she is going to a funeral?
    9:07 PM Well practiced responses from both candidates. Palin stumbled right out of the gate, but settled down quick.
    9:12 PM Wow. I mean, like wow. Satan prepped this woman. She is on point, on message, and (like all good pols interacting with journalists) completely ignoring the question.
    9:15 PM Joe’s gotta watch it … he’s going to come across as a inside-the-beltway wonk, and she is going to become the guardian of the people.
    9:18 PM Satan, i tell you, Satan. Ham-fisted (barking at Gwen where there is nothing to bark about) but is going to do great for the anti-PBS vote.
    9:20 PM She’s stumbling just enough to increase her foloksy cred, but not enough to embarass herself.
    9:22 PM Flip over to CNN. Human’s are perverts. I can understand the audience response for men jumping when she speaks, but the audience response for women jumping when *he* speaks?
    9:26 PM Oh. Need something to distract me.
    9:28 PM How is she being allowed to successfully stake out their ticket as the one of change? Joe’s got to step up his game …
    9:33 PM Am i the only one who is a little disappointed that she didn’t say that Climate Change is just God hugging us closer?
    9:39 PM Oh, my. She just used tolerance as a reason to be intolerant. Artful.
    9:44 PM She just paused about 5 seconds before responding to a question about Iraq, and you could actually see her sifting through the mental file folders / media training looking for the appropriate canned response…
    9:45 PM When, exactly, is she going to start drooling again?
    9:49 PM I think she wants to sleep with Petraeus, too. What is the deal?!?
    9:55 PM Joe Biden shouldn’t talk about Joe Biden in the third person …
    9:57 PM Is anybody buying Sarah Palin as the harbinger of change? The Dems are “spending too much time pointing backwards” to convince Palin that they are going to move us forward. Ouch.
    10:00 PM I want to live in the parallel universe that she’s living in.
    10:06 PM I never thought in a million years that Palin would be the one who would need to watch coming off as being condescending.
    10:07 PM SOMEONE BRING ME A DRINK!
    10:09 PM “a team of mavericks.”
    10:15 PM This folksy thing is at the point where it’s just making me mad … literally, and certifiably, angry. You, betcha!
    10:17 PM Does Cheney have a doctrine now? And is she actually supporting it? How in God’s name does she think that a more active role for the veep will get her ticket elected.
    10:22 PM Sarah Palin: the candidate of change and tolerance. Doublethink. Blackwhite. She must be a closet fan of Orwell.
    10:35 PM thank god that’s over.
    10:36 PM observation number one: this answers the question about whether she can be properly media trained, not about whether she can be a chief executive.
    10:37 PM observation number two: mark shields called her “relentlessly colloquial” and i think that hits the nail on the head. the open question is whether or not the people want that right now, after 8 years of someone who couldn’t pronounce “nuclear.”
    10:41 PM observation number three: she threw the bush administration under the bus. i know that it won’t be remembered in 50 years, but if bush is expecting a positive legacy … oiff.
    10:52 PM that’s it. i’m done. good night, kids …

    a couple more thoughts after the debate … it’s fascinating the sea change we have seen in regards to women and their roll in society. i’m sincerely happy that a woman can go into a veep debate with a folksy, soccer mom schtick and hold her own against opposition in a power suit.

    let’s be honest, if geraldine ferraro went for this approach 24 years ago, she would have been run off the ticket on a rail.

    to me, this election was all fun and games until tonight. honestly, i suspect i could live under a McCain administration … even if i would prefer pre-2001 as opposed to this particular incarnation. but, imho, the country just can’t survive even two years of a Palin administration.

    the way she looks down on intellect, forces herself to be colloquial, follows her politico-driven script, her obviously ultra-conservative credentials … that’s just a continuation of the bush approach which has proven bankrupt.

    that’s it for me. i’m (right now) going to go donate a lot of money to the Obama campaign, and go to bed to get the nightmares over with.