Month: June 2009
-
how I met your mother: engagement, part 2
(continued from part 1)this is the fifth in a series of letters to baby sparklet about how mommy and daddy met and woo-ed each other. immediately after the lady sparkler’s crazy Texas friends started haranguing her into haranguing me into marrying her, I thought to myself “you know, I do love her, and want to spend the rest of my life with her…”
and so i decided to get a ring. that was December. I had the ring two weeks later.
we were already talking about going to new York for my birthday (April) and it seemed like (at the time) my beloved’s marital haranguing might actually die down by then, at least long enough for me to propose uninterrupted.
not so much.
by February, i was sufficiently badgered to explain to her (in no uncertain terms) that from now on, each time she brought up engagement, i would move the “hypothetical” proposal back another month.
by April, she had managed to add *fourteen* months to the engagement time line. so, while i hadn’t succeeded in her stifling the running of her mouth, i at least knew that a proposal was the farthest thing from her mind when we pulled into NYC’s Penn Station the second week of April.
the same, however, couldn’t be said for me…
I was a wreck, and constantly obsessed about the ring — where it was, and whether it had fallen out of the triple-bagged cocoon in which it was placed. to make matters worse, on the day i was going to propose (april 14th) it rained, and rained, and rained, and rained.
i had already decided I couldn’t propose to the lady sparkler inside some silly, human-built structure because whatever we were inside could be torn down, or worse, turned into a starbucks.
so, i decided i would do the deed in Central Park, which (obviously) wasn’t particularly rain-friendly, which meant that april 14th became april 15th, and engagement day became tax day.
that afternoon, i marched my beloved around central park for over an hour, mostly because i couldn’t find a place to propose. i know it’s crazy, but there are a *lot* of people in new york — who knew? — and every single one of them seemed to be lounging around central park.
before we left DC, i had asked my best friend from college (and future bridesmaid) if she had any suggestions about the whole engagement process. it turns out that her husband was such a mess when he proposed, that she was convinced (right up until she saw the ring) that he was dumping her.
her solution? pull the ring out first.
and, when we finally found a secluded spot, i did just that. the lady sparkler was resting for a moment on a mostly horizontal tree, when i pulled out the ring, and sat down beside her.
she didn’t hear a single thing that i said. she was like the crow from the secret of n.i.m.h., when he sees mrs. frisbee’s medallion and says: “ooooooooooo, SPARKLY!”
interestingly enough, to this day, she has no idea what *she* said either. (for the record, it was: “oh. my. god. are you, like, serious?”)
i have what i said written down somewhere, but it was exactly what you would expect: “love, blah, blah, blah, so happy, blah, blah, life together, blah blah.” she replied, “yes, yes. oh my god, yes.” which — i would surmise — is just about as good of a response as you can get.
speaking of which, on our way out of central park we ran into the back of another boy proposing to another girl, and it looked like he had arranged for a photographer and her parents to join in the festivities.
unfortunately, she looked abjectly horrified. yeeeesh. at least *we* lived happily ever after.
PHOTO: tulips, new york, new york. -
how I met your mother: engagement, Texas-style
dear sparklet,this is the fourth in a series of letters to baby sparklet about how mommy and daddy met and woo-ed each other. there are some stories that get better with age … and then there are stories that start out really $&#% funny, and stay really $&@#% funny.
I hope this is the latter.
a few years into the relationship, we made the honest mistake of going to Texas. sure, the lady sparkler’s parents were great, and her sisters were awesome … but her friends? lunatics.
apparently, something in the water down there causes people to think that 18 months of dating is the maximum allowable before some kind of engagement is necessary, beit of the voluntary or shotgun variety.
the sparklers, being a bit past that “threshold” had apparently tripped some kind of Texas state-wide alert system, where friends hold waves of rolling interventions to make sure “everything’s alright” and that the boy doesn’t have any “problems” that needed to be addressed (likely by overwhelming displays of machismo, or belt buckles, or both).
by the end of the year, after a couple of months of interventions, the lady sparkler was in a tizzy … and her occasional, badly disguised, open-ended questions about an engagement timeline started getting more and more pointed (and more and more badly disguised).
each time she would tizzy, we would talk … and each time we’d agree that *we* needed to have a timeline that worked for *us,* even if it was at odds with the posse was forming along the Rio Grande.
I should pause.
sure, Texans are ten-gallon-hat-sized-crazy for thinking 18 months of dating is suitable for long-term mate selection (which leads to all sorts of redneck/missing teeth/social Darwinist jokes which I will forgo due to likely readership demographics) …
… but it is possible that my people (from the opposite side of the “war of northern aggression”) just might fall off the other end of the commitment scale. I have friends that dated for 8 years before the topic of marriage even came up, or (worse yet) were engaged for 5+ years before deciding whether they should actually tie the knot.
so, from my worldview, i thought that I was being carefree to the point of reckless abandonment by thinking of proposing to a woman I had been dating for *only* two years. yet, all the while, the great state of Texas was negotiating with Chuck Norris to come shift my worldview for me.
I digress …
by February, my beloved had become as subtle as a three year old in the aisle of a toy store … and I was started to dig in, solely as a matter on principle. by the 27th time the issue was raised in those three months, I sat my beloved down, and we talked. it went something like this:
me: “you know i love you. and i want you to know that you can propose to me anytime you like …”the lady sparkler: “ummmm.”
me: “no, seriously. I know how much you want to get engaged… so you are welcome to go ring shopping, pick out something nice for me, and then get down on one knee and propose. I promise I’ll wear the ring everyday.”
her: “uhhhhhh.”
me: “what’s wrong, sweetie?”
her: “I think I’d prefer if you proposed to me.”
me: “interesting. okay, here’s the deal. let’s say we have a date for the hypothetical engagement, let’s call it X.”
her: “is X soon?”
me: “well, interesting that you mentioned that … each time you ask when it is, or suggest that X should be coming sooner, the hypothtical engagement date becomes X + 1 month.”
her: “so, when is X then?”
me: “i’m not sure, but it’s now TWO months later than it was three minutes ago.”
of course, I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I had bought an engagement ring two months earlier and was just waiting for her to shut her yap about it, so it could be a surprise.
PHOTO: Statue, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, New York. -
the clothes don’t make the (wo)man
well, another weekend, another closet redone. this time mine (I hate being left out) and on the cheap (spent $39 on wood, saw-ed and installed myself).i have this pathological need to be doing stuff now, which i understand is probably a flavor of nesting … only coming from the more-militant-yet-somehow-less-productive wing.
but the real news comes from the lady sparkler, who is showing enough (understatement!) to start considering actual maternity clothes instead of continuing to accessorize her regular jeans with rubber-band-as-belt-buckle.
unfortunately, part of said awakening is finding out how much of a pain it is to shop for her new situation. truth be told, she hated shopping for regular clothes, so I guess no one was expecting her to suddenly hit a clothes-buying stride now that she is, er, buying for two.
honestly, she’s a clotheshorse in her new found state, and looks great in everything she’s brought home. however, she’s begun complaining that certain clothes that lack definition (mommy mumu’s as it were) make her feel like she’s smuggling a watermelon out of the produce aisle.
I’m sure I don’t know what that means, but I’m equally sure that she is sticking to a-lines and tailored-style clothes from here on out. (personally, I’m guessing that the maternity industry keeps some mumu’s on hand just to make sure the more expensive, tailored clothes fly off the shelves faster.)
all that said, other than clothes and me pretending to be useful, we’re really just biding time until we know the gender.
next sonogram is june 19th, and baby sparklet be well past the point where we can stare uncomfortably at his/her/its lower regions and make some sort of guess … provided, of course, that sparklet isn’t being bashful.
16 days.
PHOTO: recovery dinner from the weekend that was @ the heights, columbia heights, washington, dc.
![[]](https://theparkerfamily.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/3622916992_638a4b05b6.jpg)


