April 29, 2011

live: the royal wedding

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evancparker

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why in god’s name am i awake?

i know, i know. i read vanity fair’s the royal watch alarmingly regularly, have been known to read the delicious awfulness that is the daily mail, and get more news/programming from the bbc than i do from all the american networks combined.

so, it possible that i might be a bit of an anglophile. which, i guess, is exactly why i’m awake. and, so long as i’m up, i might as well live blog this thing.

4:59 AM	the lady sparkler, last night, on why she wasn’t going to get up this morning: “i love london. i love scottish whisky. i named my daughter after the bride. i think that’s enough.”
5:01 AM	looks like i have about 27 channels i can watch this thing on — hello, bbc america.
5:02 AM	seriously — i can’t stand NBC during the olympics, how in god’s name could suffer through an American network covering the royal wedding?
5:13 AM	the token “awkward american in the crowd” they just interviewed wasn’t quite as awkward as usual — the gods are truly smiling on the moment.
5:21 AM	someone appears to have planted trees in the middle of the abbey. guess i should have gotten up a bit earlier, to hear that one explained.
5:33 AM	there’s a corner of the abbey where they’re putting all the people under the age of 80, right? i mean, the bride and groom have to have at least one set of friends they slipped in under strict instructions to not get plastered and start dancing on the tables …
5:38 AM	in case anybody was wondering, karin vogel is officially the last person in line for the british throne. sadly, she did not get an invite.
5:48 AM	the queen looks great. charles looks old. isn’t that backwards?
6:03 AM	totally missed the big wedding dress reveal because the kettle just went off.
6:09 AM	need to redact my previous crack on the trees in the abbey. from the ground level, it’s actually quite lovely.
6:15 AM	well played, kate. well played, pippa. ease up on the gold tassles there, boys.
6:20 AM	“maawidge. maawidge is wat bwings us togethaaa, today.”
6:25 AM	<sniff> i promissed myself i wouldn’t cry… </sniff>
6:33 AM	they look tired — beautiful, but tired.
6:35 AM	wedding sermons still make me squirm, at least those since a wedding i attended 10 years ago where the catholic priest droned on about “copulation” for 15 minutes.
6:41 AM	sparklet’s awake. awake, and very confused why we’re watching something other than plaza sesamo.
6:52 AM	so, are the people at the back of the church excited they actually got in the door or ticked that they’re not 35 yards farther back so the could watch it on the jumbotron in hyde park?
6:55 AM	interesting, the queen doesn’t sing along to “god save the queen.” somewhat obvious in hindsight, i guess …
6:56 AM	wait! how are they married if they didn’t kiss??? everything in the princess bride was a lie.
7:04 AM	the lady sparkler is up. asked if the bride’s father was the one in the black suit.
7:10 AM	my wife is beaming — at least until sparklet tripped, fell over, cried, dusted herself off, and started beating on her little bongo drum.
7:16 AM	lovely.
7:19 AM	my arm hurts from just watching them wave.
7:21 AM	the queen looks ecstatic. hard to believe how much has change in the royal outlook from even just five years ago.
7:24 AM	where do they store all the carriages, limousines and flags when there aren’t any royal weddings pending? i have so many questions.
7:36 AM	um, the rather uncomfortable goth chicks with the crazy hats seated behind the queen during the ceremony were the children of Fergie, ex-Duchess of York. they just can’t catch a break, can they?
7:48 AM	diana had such style — but the 80s were still the 80s, and (in hindsight) her wedding dress was really just plain dreadful.
8:03 AM	we need more national holidays. are either of the obama girls old enough to get married yet?
8:12 AM	commentator: “as a people we’re not childish, we’re not stupid. we know we have problems. but for one day, we live in the moment where we can celebrate our past, our future, and our political stability. there is a kind of wisdom found when you suspend cynicism. it’s a different kind of knowledge, but it’s a knowledge found in the innocence of a wedding day.”
8:21 AM	they keep dragging the crazy people in the costumes on tv. hey bbc, stop encouraging these people.
8:31 AM	they finally kissed — whew, that would have been awkward had they missed that part.
8:32 AM	i’m pretty sure one of those 5-year olds in the doormouse costumes is actually taller than the Queen.
8:35 AM	wills is a lucky, lucky man — but needs to get that girl a cheeseburger, stat.
9:42 AM	in such a good mood. beautiful women should marry ugly, awkward men more often.

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