the lady sparkler wanted a french press for as long as anyone could remember, and only the possession of an existing coffee pot stood in between her and her dreams.

in the wee hours of monday morning, however, this caffeine-driven lust percolated into a plan … with shattering consequences.

according to initial reports, late sunday night ms. sparkler slipped treats to one “Emily the Cat,” who then proceeded to destroy said coffee pot as part of her 3:30 am caterwauling. the victim, a solid yet uninspired resident of the kitchen, was apparently pushed off the silestone cliffs near the sink district onto the cold, slate flooring below.

when apprehended, ms. the cat declined to comment. old crate and barrel gift cards, left over from ms. sparkler’s recent wedding, have already been mobilized as part of the relief effort.

in other coffee related news, sparkler fan-favourite burkina boy has recently published a sustainable coffee guide on the web site of some leading conservation organization working to protect life, preserve nature, etc., etc., etc.